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Things Not to Say to an Infertile Person Part 2

Today’s not been too hateful. I was able to announce that I’ve become a Contributing Writer for DoYouEndo.com .It’s a great female empowered website and I love that they are bringing me on to write full time. I mean my minimum is one article a week but we all know I’ll find something to write about. Like right now I have 4 pending article because I want to show the CEO of the company that I am serious and I will work butt off! But there was one thing I wanted to touch on real quick. Remember a few weeks I when I wrote an article about what to say and what not to say to someone. Well we are going to expound upon that. I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings by writing this but it has to be said for own sanity.

There was a couple I didn’t expect to have a conversation with but I did anyway. They were asking how long I’d been married and when I would start have kids. Clearly, I made this comment before, you NEVER ask a woman when she will begin a family because you don’t know a person’s situation. I tried my best to hold it together but they kept bugging me so I snipped back them and told them I was having fertility issues. They left quickly and left what I like to call a pity tip.

The other thing that been bothering me lately is telling me not to blame myself. Like how people have been in my shoes and genuinely feel what I go through every day? Not that many. It’s frustrating because it’s not Russell’s fault. His swimmers are fantastic, I mean they over perform like no body’s business. (That helps us both because we know he’s good to go!) I blame myself for so many reasons. It’s humiliating as a women and a wife not to be able to conceive a child.  I feel like this was something I should have known about or at least heard about. I blame myself for more reasons that any can every be able to comprehend and I wish people would stop saying that me. If I need to sit in my anger, frustration or sadness just let me; it all helps in the long run.  I just can’t handle that. Let me find peace within my self and with the universe and feel balanced then I know I’ve let things go.

Just two rules to add to my other 7 or 8.

Until Next Time

xoxo

Angelica

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abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, BFN, BFP, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, courage, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, FET, fitness, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertile, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, miracle, miscariage, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, science, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, strong, technology, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, TTC Community, TTC Sisters, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, warrior, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Infertility is Hard

I have no idea what to write yet my head is spinning around in circles with all my worries, concerns, and anxiety. I feel like I’m in slow motion and when I get caught up to real-time speed I’ll be hit with so much that I’ll crumble. Endometriosis has taken hold of my life in ways I never thought possible. (list below)

  1. Stress— I never knew a person could be this stressed. At all times I have thoughts of what I need to get done before our fundraiser and IVF..it’s pretty freaking stressful.
  2. Anxious–I also never knew how anxiety affected a person until I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I can’t breathe half the time. It’s so overwhelming that I have no other way of describing the level anxiety I have.
  3. Emotions–my emotions have been all over the map the last 5 months. I think things are different this time around with Lupron because this is the longest I’ve ever been on it. I’m not the same person I was when I wasn’t on it. It’s like Lupron took my personality in an extended time out. I’d like to get her back now.
  4. Marriage–Technically I’m a newlywed still but we have our ups and downs because of endometriosis. More specifically, I blame myself for everything that’s going on. Russell is such a wonderful husband and he deserves the world. I try to make him happy but the one thing that would truly and I mean truly make him happy is a baby; and I can’t do that without a little science. Sometimes I wonder what his life would be like if we hadn’t continued to date and found someone who was healthy. Would he be happy, happier?? I’ll never know. I feel bad about the amount of meltdowns I have during the week (because there’s always 2 or 3) because that’s just adding more to his already full plate.
  5. Sleep– I miss sleeping. Going into forced menopause has been awful. I am hot all the time and I don’t sleep at night because I wake up soaked in sweat. I will say this I do tend to nap a little during the day but it’s not long enough for me to feel refreshed. I always feel fatigued because I’m not sleeping so I’m basically walking zombie. There are times I’m so tired, don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep and I’ll wake up having a conversation with Russell and he literally has no idea what I’m talking about. That’s no fun.

 

There’s a snippet into what my mind goes through every day. What I go through. If you are on Instagram you saw the pictured where I looked defeated. That picture was taken last Sunday, the day I had three meltdowns. In that picture you see me sad, tears had just rolled off my swollen looking face, and the dark circles under my eyes from crying so much. I allow myself to sit in my feelings for a little while (24 hours) but after that I have to keep going. Endometriosis and Infertility really push you to your limits, like almost off the cliff. But each day I wake up I try to make the best of it. If there’s anything you take away from this blog today it’s that it’s okay to not be okay, fight like hell to make your dreams come true and never be afraid to ask for a hug when you need one.

 

Until Next Time

xoxo

 

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, BFN, BFP, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, courage, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, FET, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertile, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, miracle, miscariage, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, science, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, strong, technology, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, TTC Community, TTC Sisters, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, warrior, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Mind Over Matter

Today was rough, like really rough. Sundays are days that I can recharge ,de-stress  and get ready for the week ahead. Well not today. The universe had other plans for us today. Before we get into the horrible day I had I just want to say Sephora and Ulta are going t make me broke! After this weekend being busy I thought I deserved a little something for my hard work. I had no idea it was national lipstick day. The sales lady says all Anastasia Beverly Hill products are Buy One Get One Free and girl, we all know I’m all about lip products. So I ended up getting a Metallic Rose lip gloss and a Liquid Lipstick in the shade Dusty Rose. They are so perfect because anytime I see a Mauve lip color with cool pink or brown undertones sounds amazing to me! Then I also got the Fresh Beauty Lip Balm in the Caramel scent. It is amazing so far and I can’t wait to wear it around. Since we are almost to my birthday they let me pick beauty’s lip products or a mini glam glow face mask and moisturizer. Of course I went with glam glow! Then for having to wait a few extra minutes got me another free face mask! Sephora and Ulta are my happy places and I’ve got to slow down. But it’s my birthday month starting Wednesday s owe will celebrate all month-long!! Can’t wait to try the new mask because I used my Farmacy Mask tonight.

Now onto the not so good news. Russell and I have been planning and IVF fundraiser. We had the date set and I sent invitations to all my co-workers only for Russell to get a phone call to say another bar is having a golf tournament and they paid a lot of money and said they wouldn’t be there. I’m not gonna lie (because who has time for lies??) the second he said there was another even that day I say cancel it. God love Roanne because she is hosting the evening for us and she calmed me down and Russell calmed me down and all is right in the world. He said he wants to do it right (I expect nothing less from Russell considering he is a perfectionist)and this gives us more time to get everything accomplished on my goal list. I’m crying really hard and telling him I’m not mad that there is  golf tournament I’m mad because everything is falling apart very quickly. Russell thew out some dates what I literally told him I can’t do this anymore. And  by that I mean continue on with Lupron for another few moths. The side effects seem to be getting worse, the depression is awful and quite frankly I’m not the same person I was two years ago and he can tell. Russell is doing everything he can to make me comfortable but he feels so helpless. Then we are getting ready to watch a show before bed and my back is hurting. I told him it hasn’t felt like this in a while. Then I started crying because I couldn’t take the pain. Right after he rubbed my back and put some topical numbing creme on it I cried again! I’m just crying and apologizing because this is NOT how I pictured our first few years married, but no one with fertility issues does. Russell is always great to get advice from because he’s always been one to take what you’re saying, analyze ie and then come up with the best advice. He told me everything is mind over matter. When my body feels awful and I just want to lay on the couch I should stretch. The little nuggest of advice I’ve receive over the last 10 years has been great. I’m so glad to have him as my listener, my sounding board and my husband. He has gone through this with me side by side and I couldn’t do this without him. I have so much respect for him because I don’t know how he does it. On that note I’ll leave this here. And if you haven’t visited our go fund me what are you waiting for??

Until Next Time

xoxo

 

https://www.gofundme.com/angelicamyoung

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, BFP, black, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, FET, fitness, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertile, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, miscariage, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, strong, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, TTC Community, TTC Sisters, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, warrior, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Heartbreak, Strength and Hope

This blog post has been weighing on me because I feel like this space is one where we can talk about all things endo, including IVF. Today I want to talk and share the story of one of my friends, Carissa. Going through this journey I’ve gained some friends who understand what I’m going through and being able to vent and just be able to relate to them. I met Carissa on Instagram (and we haven’t ever met in person) and we immediately started DM’ing each other about our stories and how great our husbands are. We also share a love for dogs. She has a YouTube channel and her IG is pretty awesome, inspirational, and uplifting.

Carissa is one of, if not the most God fearing woman, I’ve ever known. She has infertility issues, including stage one endometriosis. I also want to take a second to let you all know that it does not matter what stage endo you have, it can ruin your reproductive system. Anyway, Carissa laughs A LOT and I love that. But she is also very real and she does cry in front of the camera and tell her followers and supporters what is going on. Last year Carissa and her husband Brian were able to get pregnant through IUI. However, they lost their baby early on in the pregnancy and it crushed her. She is still dealing with this loss because you can’t ever know what it’s like to have fertility problems, get pregnant and lost your child. In her own words, every day is a battle. Carissa and Brian just had their IVF cycle done in New York. She has 17 eggs which is a lot; 10 were mature which means they could make it to become embryos; 1 fertilized; and 0 embryos were created. My heart shattered for her. She is now waiting three months before starting again.

This is the hard part. Telling you all how much IVF is not a guarantee. You aren’t paying for a 100% chance to get pregnant. You are hoping that the embryos you implant will stick. You’re hoping that during the weeks following the little pink lines will become more and more clear. Getting ready to start this journey myself I am telling myself we are going to get pregnant and I speak it into the universe because I believe what you put out you get back. I try my best every day to lean on those around me when I need help. I am so glad I have Carissa as a friend because she has taught me the meaning of patience, hope and strength. She is the definition of a warrior. Even though she’s been knocked down she’s going to get back up and try again. I think women who are going through infertility realize that we have no choice but to keep going. We fight. We have more hope than you imagine. And we love the people who love and support us throughout our journey. Below is one of the videos that Carissa posted to her YouTube channel and I immediately connected with it. Check it out and follow her on IG :carissabarzee.

Until Next Time

xoxo

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, BFP, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, FET, fitness, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertile, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, strong, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, TTC Community, TTC Sisters, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, warrior, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Boundaries

Oh my goodness look a blog two days in a row! I wanted to talk about boundaries in and around infertility. I think for some people they just want to help and the first thing they want to say is just get drunk and do or relax more or have you thought about adoption?The adoption question, for me, is insulting because we haven’t gotten to the stages of IVF and we’re taking this one step at a time. Not to mention we don’t plan on adopting and I think it’s a very insensitive thing to say. The other insensitive thing to do is give unwarranted sex advice. For anyone going through infertility you already know what I mean. You have to keep a schedule and go with timed intercourse whether you’re  in the mood or not. And then we ladies have to lay with our legs in the air making sure every little sperm can swim to meet his little mate. (No joke, I’ve done that probably half a dozen times and its embarrassing!!!) When you are going through infertility there is no “fun” or glamour. It’s hey it’s Tuesday night at 9 pm if we don’t do this now we are going to lose a good egg. And I just remembered my dad is going to read this and that’s hilarious and mortifying all at the same time!

Another boundary we (those with infertility) will do is set boundaries with friends and family. For me the one boundary I have set is not going to any baby’s showers. It took going to my sisters’ baby shower that I had a panic attack there and then I was a mess for the rest of the evening. This was last fall so it’s been  a wonderful year of what baby Gabe grow and I am so lucky to be Aunt Geni (sounds like Jeanie). If you’re wondering where that came from my niece B was trying to say my name and she said Geni and I knew that was what they all would call me because my name is so hard to say. I’m gonna get a shirt that says Aunt Geni on it. lol I’m that person. Any back to my boundaries. I won’t go to baby showers because they are way too overwhelming. I Just feel like for my own mental well-being it is best if I just stay away. I have no problem sending a gift but having to listen to all the other women share their birthing stories or find common ground on how tired they are, what milestone their child is coming up on, etc. I can’t handle that because I come home a crying mess, apologizing because I can’t conceive naturally. He always tells me our destiny is leading us to something better than we could have ever imagined so we’ll about that one!

The last two years have been the most challenging of my life. Right now I am thinking back to when this all started and I never thought I’d be this old having children. I wanted to be my mothers age, 26 or younger when wanted to start a family. But I’ll be closer to my dad’s age when I give birth next year. And yes I said next year because IVF is going down soon! I had my second to last Lupron shot today and I couldn’t be happier. This means we are T-8 weeks of hot flashes and I’ll be done! Six months of Depo Lupron is enough to make someone lost their mind. Please keep praying and fighting for us because it’s only just the beginning.

Until Next Time

xoxo

 

 

 

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, BFP, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, FET, fitness, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, strong, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, TTC Community, TTC Sisters, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, warrior, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

How to Live Through a Chronic Illness

When I was diagnosed with endometriosis I thought I was going to have the same life I’d always had. But the further I got into the surgeries and the pain started to become more intense I had to a find a way to live through this. I had to stop working out because it was having an awful effect on how I felt for a few days after. This in particular has been the biggest challenge for me to overcome. For the last two years I have not been able to work out. I will do yoga but all the deep stretches cause a lot of tension and discomfort. Another new way of life for me is not going out with friends anymore. I have had to really take this time to focus on my health and unfortunately I’ve cut some people out of my life but for right now I’m doing what’s best for me. I also have noticed that I’m a lot more tired all the time. I could be writing something down like our grocery list, for example, and nod off. I am chronically fatigued from this because my scar tissue is affecting my other organs. My mindset has changed too. I find myself being the glass half empty kind of person now that  I have this chronic illness. Lastly, I’ve had to ask for help more. The days of deep cleaning my house all at one are gone. I have to do things in phases. Going to the grocery store has been a real bitch because I have pick up some pretty heavy items, like water, and then load into the car, unload it at home and put it away. After doing something so simple as grocery shopping I have to let me body rest. I also cancel plans with friends a lot more than I used to because I never know how I’ll feel in the morning or afternoon. But I do have a few friends who get me and understand truly where I’m coming from. I love them so much.

I have also realized through this journey how strong I can be. Going through several IUI’s and going through the TWW was dreadful but we got though it. I mean the tests were negative both times and I was angry, sad, frustrated, dumbfounded, you name it and I probably felt it. I’m very grateful to Russell too because without his constant help when I’m not feeling well is immeasurable.

Until Next Time

xoxox

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, fitness, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Are you seeing me?

I’ve been asking myself a lot lately if the blog posts are being seen. If you are seeing them can you answer a few questions and post your comments down below and we’ll get right into today’s blog!

1.) How did you find me? 2.) What keeps you coming back? 3.) Before reading about my blog do you or someone you know have endometriosis? 4.) What topics do you like most and what topics would you like to know more about? 5.) Before following my blog did you know what endometriosis is?

 

In today’s blog I’d like to bring to light another story that was shared with me recently. I wanted to share this story with you all right away but I simply didn’t know how to get through the blog without crying and being upset for a friend of mine.( Her name has been changed in this blog for social media privacy) So I decided to step back and think about how I wanted to share her story because some of the detail of her infertility are difficult to discuss. So last week I received a private message from my friend, Miah, telling me she now understands the pain that I’ve endured while going through endometriosis, the surgeries, and now IVF and everything that it brings. Miah continued by saying she had an ectopic pregnancy. For those that don’t know an ectopic pregnancy is when the embryo is in the fallopian tube traveling to the uterus. However, the embryo ends up getting stuck in the fallopian tube. The end result is a miscarriage because embryos can’t survive outside the uterus. Most of the time when people are trying they don’t realize they’ve created an embryo and women will often times go to the doctor with symptoms of pelvic pain, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, or pain in shoulder area. It is during the pelvic exam or ultrasound the technician or doctor (depends on who is doing your ultrasound) will see the embryo in the tube. However, there are serious health concerns that come from having an ectopic pregnancy. Unfortunately, Miah went through the worst with her ectopic pregnancy. Her fallopian tube ruptured causing her a lot of pain. She had to go in for emergency surgery to save her life. Within minutes of arriving to the hospital she was being prepped for surgery. I can’t imagine how stressful her situation was or even how scared she was.

When she came out of surgery she said she looked down at her stomach and she didn’t recognize it. I told her I felt the same when I had all of mine. Many days I still want to hide all my scars and never wear a two piece bathing suit ever again. It’s not that I feel anger or resentment towards them but if I’m being quite honest I liked my body the way it was before all the surgery. Right now I don’t like my body and the way it looks.I’d prefer to hide my body until I feel comfortable in my skin again. And that’s also another obstacle women have to go through after they’ve gone through a laparoscopy. The first thought is “what does it look like under all the bandages?” ,Second thought is “when will I get to see it?”, and after you finally see your stomach for the first time its complete silence. Do you know why? Because the image that we are looking at won’t be going away, they’re in places that can be hard to cover up if you wanted to show your stomach. I fully understood what Miah was saying when she said she didn’t recognize her stomach. Miah is so brave and so strong. The amount of pain from rupturing a fallopian tube has to worse than child-birth. I’ve had several cysts rupture and that feeling is one of the worst feelings a person can feel. I just wanted to give some love to Miah for being an amazing person, sharing her story with me and continuing to try to find the light during this dark time. I have so much positive energy for you and your family. Keep being positive, have faith and know that you may not have all the answers now but you’ll find them eventually. If there’s one nugget of advice I can give you it’s don’t give up. When you feel like you can’t get out of bed or you’re struggling with what has just happened and you’re slipping into a negative space say to yourself ,Don’t give up. I promise this made me feel better on days when I just wanted to curl up in bed and shut the world out. I won’t lie to you, seeing pregnancy announcements and bare bellies and all the pictures people post of their newborns is going to be hard. You’ll feel like you are going through this alone but you aren’t. I felt that way for a long time because I couldn’t find anyone I could identify with and once that changed my mindset started to change. I believe in you and I love you very much. I promise you are going to get through this and you’ll be stronger, more grateful for the life you have now, and more positive. This experience has tilted your universe and I know you’ll do great things by sharing your story!

 

Until Next Time

xoxo

abortion, animal lover, anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, best friend, black, blogger, body shaming, boudoir, breaking news, conceiving, conception, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, faith, family, fashionista, fitness, foodie, growing, hope, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, lies, life, make up lover, makeup, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, negative, new normal, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, parent, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, race, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, sex, shoe addict, Shoes, skincare, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, Volunteer, voting, white, wife, women, women's issues, womens rights

Putting Our Pride Aside

As some or most have seen, Russell and I put up a GoFundMe account to help with some of the costs of IVF. I have no idea what’s going to happen with the outcome or how much we are able to raise. But at the end of it all I know whatever we do have we’ll use to go towards our total IVF payment. For those who have already donated, thank you so much. I’m not going to recount our story for the five thousandth time but I will let you know that we are getting stronger and stronger each day. Part it is from all the support we know we have and the other part is knowing we have each other to go through this with.

I like to think of this situation as our Mount Everest. It’s taking a long time to get to the top but we do get there everything we’ve gone through will be worth. The moment when we get to the top (aka conceiving a child) and everything just seems so surreal because the amount of patience you have to have is indescribable. But sometimes when we are going on big adventures you need help and guidance along the way. Russell and I never intended to put up a gofundme but we’ve decided to put our pride aside and see what happens. We have Plan A, Plan B and we’re working on putting together a Plan C. Clearly we all want Plan A but it may not happen. And can I take a second to bitch about how our healthcare system needs to be changed. It’s not fair that they’ll bill insurance thousands of dollars for a simple ER visit but going to the same hospital for treatment to have a baby gets no help. I’m over here like hello insurance companies, I know your business is sometimes shady and this is one of the areas I would deem shady. I wish women could have more coverage to take the stress of wondering, hoping, putting all you your extra effort into thinking of every little thing that could happen. I have many more gripes when it comes to women and men not getting coverage for infertility issues.

I wanted to keep this short and sweet because I really don’t know what else to say. If you are able to donate that would be great and if you can’t please keep saying your prayers for us. We appreciate everything everyone has done for us thus far! Link down below.

xoxo

https://www.gofundme.com/angelicamyoung

 

 

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Where Did all my Friends Go?

I have asked this question to myself quite often lately. When a woman is going through infertility she is going through someone incredibly indescribable. When we are read bed time stories when we are little they all begin and end the same way; one per is usually in need of help from the Prince. After getting help they fall madly in love, get married and live happily every after. But in the real world that’s not how life works. And I believe the commonality between relationships and friends are the same. However, I’ve learned pretty hard who is there for me and who is not. I have three girls at work (Yen, Sam and Lizzie) that I am very close with. Without their support I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. They keep me sane and are always there when I need their shoulder to cry (literally). Finding girlfriends when you’re an adult is super hard and I’m glad that was able to invade their tribe and become friends with them. It also helps that we love makeup, babies, and we genuinely care for each other. There aren’t many women out there like them and I’m so glad to apart of the tribe. Then there’s Erin. I could write so many amazing things about Erin. She’s always calling to check on me and see if I’m doing okay. She is also a diamond in the rough. I wouldn’t trade out friendship for the world. And after all who would I share my twin stories with?! Caitlyn, my soul sister. Do I even need to say anything. Your guidance, love, prayer and hope for us during this time fills me with such gratitude. Emma, you live in an entirely different state and still check on me every now and again. Our friendship is immeasurable and nothing will ever break us. You are my person. Finally, Daniella, Marisa and Mom. You guys keep me on my toes. Even though Daniella and Marisa, you are my sisters you are also my very best friends. Sometimes I want to punch you but the bond we have could never be broken. I love you so much. And my momma. I call you a million times a day and hate when I go longer than three days from talking to you. I mean I love you so much and was so worried about you that I had the police check on you and it turns out you were still sleeping **that was a big oops**. You all are awesome and I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Now I’m sure you’re all asking yourselves “is she crazy she does have friends”? The answer is this. I used to have a lot of friends that were invested in me. Just checking in to see how I’m doing or asking how I’m feeling. Infertility does a lot to a woman’s mind. Not only does it make you think things that aren’t true, you just start to believe things that aren’t real (thank goodness for therapy right??) I had to learn from being diagnosed that things would change. My feelings were so fragile those first few months and it’s becoming more and more hard to deal with because my friends have distant themselves too. I say too because I have done the same. I haven’t want to be with anyone. I’ve wanted to be alone; just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t want to socialize because I don’t want to be asked how treatment is going, which is so crazy because I’m an open book when it comes to my blog. But sometimes a girl just needs a break, ya know?

I just want to get to a point in my journey where people aren’t uncomfortable inviting me to baby showers (which I politely decline but still send a gift and am working on getting the strength to go), or first birthday parties, recitals. Not being invited makes me feel even more alone. It’s all about balance and once I master that I know I’ll be able to function much better.

Until Next Time

 

Please feel free to share your stories on how your friendships have changed through you finding out you have infertility.