My Mom Told Me to Stay off Facebook but… — July 25, 2017

My Mom Told Me to Stay off Facebook but…

Welcome to another late night post! The title of this blog is dedicated to my mommy. She saw that I got offended by a post going around social media. For those that haven’t seen the post it is an ultrasound of twins. People are posting that they’re pregnant only for the end of the caption to say we just wanted to say congrats to whomever is having these babies. It had been about the tenth time I saw the post and out of frustration I said it is really insensitive to post fake pregnancy announcements. Ya know, like the ones where everyone says they’re pregnant on April Fools Day, only for it to be a joke. Now after that I got feedback about my post, specifically from mommy. She said right now I’m too sensitive to be seeing things related to pregnancy so I should probably should stay away from social media. BUT we all know I have to play devil’s advocate here and now that I’m an adult I can (sometimes) go against what my mom says to do. (Although I could fail miserably while not taking her advice in the first place lol) She just understands what I’m going through, the serious amount of medication my body has undertaken over the last 18 months and the fact that it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. Anyway, I got some criticism saying that if we can’t find humor in some things then we’ll never be able to laugh at anything. So there are mixed reviews and my mom is just trying to protect me from getting my feelings hurt unintentionally by what one person posts. To be fair she is right. I’ve never experience a level of sensitivity like this. And for those who know me know I’ve always been a sensitive person but I feel like my emotions are a roller coaster. Not all days, but some days. There are days when I cry asking the universe why I’m not good enough for a baby. There are days when I’m angry or frustrated that I can’t get pregnant after 9 months of marriage. Then I just sit and wonder ‘why me’? I wonder if there is something I did in a past life to have to go through this now. Maybe it’s to make me appreciate the journey we are going on. AND speaking of journey’s, this Wednesday at 3pm I will be going to our IVF specialist for my Lupron shot! I have waited very anxiously to see what was going to happen. I’m so thankful for the nurses and Dr. Karnitis for doing everything they can to help us. From answering all my phone calls, voicemails, and seeing me when things seem to be a little less than urgent. I am blessed to have such an amazing support staff and although this shot is going to burn like hell it’s the very first step to take to get to IVF. This road is going to be long, expensive, and worth.every.penny. The day I get to create a life inside and hold my little baby Young for the first time will be amazing. I don’t even have words to describe that feeling now. All I can say is that feeling is a yearning. A yearning for someone I already know I love unconditionally. I have a yearning to hold them close to my skin, smell their sweet baby smell, all while delicately kissing each part of their face. Trying to become a mother is full of overwhelming, heartbreaking, hopelessness. But for us we can’t keep silent, even if people don’t understand. My goal is to just educate one person on how endometriosis can severely change the life of a young woman. So I’m sorry mom but I won’t be staying off Facebook because a message needs spread around the globe that women need more affordable healthcare for reproductive health. Infertility needs to be considered as a general service, instead of a specialty service that we no option but to pay out of pocket for. Infertility needs to be brought up because there are also women who can’t afford to seek treatment, therefore feeling lost. If I lose friends or lose supporters along the way through this, that’s on them. I’m on a mission and I Continue reading

Faith, Hope, Love — July 10, 2017

Faith, Hope, Love

1 John 5:14 He heard her.  And not only that, but in due time, He will answer.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about our journey through infertility. I have all the faith in the world that what is supposed to happen will happen. But I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t want to have a super power to see the future. Having faith in the universe is what keeps me going. The faith my husband puts, not only on me but our marriage and hoping one day things will be okay. This brings me to my next word: Hope. I remember talking with dad about what the progress is and what it means for us. For those not in the inner circle there are a lot things I have to explain because it’s all quite confusing. I had called my dad just needing to talk to him, get his advice. He said something that stayed with me. He said ” The worst thing to have is hope”. Now for most people you’re probably thinking “what in the world?” or “why would he say that?”. I understood immediately what he meant. Russell and I had just had our first IUI at this point and I was in that dreaded two week wait period. That’s when my dad said hope is the worst thing to have because you can get let down so easily. Take for example, about 3 months ago I gave myself the trigger shot to release an egg and we were to try on our own. Once we were waiting for what could happen I was already rearranging the bedrooms and daydreaming of what a nursery would look like. I went and got paint samples to see what would look best in a gender neutral room. I cleared out the office to make room for a baby crib, glider, functional yet usable pieces of furniture, a dresser with changing table and dreamed of the decor for the room, and I didn’t know if a baby had been created or not. Two weeks later we all know what happened… Aunt Flo decided to show up shattering my dreams. The next month was our IUI and the same shattering dreams, pit in the bottom of my stomach feeling came over me. The constant throughout all of this has been love. Love from my husband. Love from my family. Love from my friends. Love from people trying to understand what endometriosis is and askin questions so they understand. Love from some of the best co-workers a girl could ask for. Love has shown me that it can be hard, real hard. It can be stressful, it can be heart breaking. But in those heartbreaking moments I try to find the light. Without the love from everyone I would be lost. For example, I saw a woman who had to be about 8 months pregnant today. I waited on her and her family and I kept catching myself starring at her belly, wondering if I’ll ever get to experience that feeling. The feeling of life growing inside you but also that undeniable connection between a mother and her baby. Will I get to kiss a little newborn baby’s face and watch them grow from little babies all the way up to becoming an adult? I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I continue to have hope. Hope that one day someone will call me ‘mommy’. In the meantime I have to realize things happen when they’re supposed to and that each person’s journey will vary greatly.

As usual, please feel free to prayer, send positive vibes, and hope that one day Baby Young will make an appearance!

Until Next Time

xoxo

Endo Update — June 28, 2017

Endo Update

So I went to see Dr. Karnitis at Kettering Hospital today. It was a routine ultrasound because I’ve been having a lot of pain in my lower back and pelvic area. Like so much so that I cried on Sunday and had to leave an event early. So thankful to say everything looks great. My ovary (or what remains) has several follicles on it, which in and of itself is amazing! My uterus looks great and has a nice thick lining. Basically, Dr. Karnitis says my body is at it’s peak for holding a baby. However, the road to getting there is going to be more difficult than we thought this entire time. So let me give you a little insight as to what has happened. For a while I wanted to stay private and go through this with my husband and family but then that became a lot and I just started not talking about our journey. BUT, I need an outlet and I feel like this is a really good outlet for me.

When Russell and I first met Dr. Karnitis, we were going over my previous surgery notes. Again, he was so shocked that I’d had that much surgery in such a short amount of time. Then he started talking about my AMH levels. I’d never heard of that and I’m assuming you haven’t either. AMH is a hormone that your body, more specifically for a woman it’s in her ovaries. Your AMH level is going to tell a doctor at what percentage you are able to conceive. What I didn’t realize is my AMH level is at a 0.1. This means my reproductive system functions at the level of a woman who is 42 or older. For a woman my age my AMH should be 1.1-3.2. So this means I have less than a 5% chance of conceiving on my own.  This part of the blog is important for what I’m leading into.

Today, I wanted to talk about surgery #5. When it would happen, if it would happen. Dr. Karnitis and I are on different pages with what is best but I am going to go his route first. (He is very insistent that we are doing no more surgery but we may have to resort to that) We have decided to go with pain medication to help me be more comfortable. I can’t tell you all how hard the last few weeks have been. I can’t function. I can barely function at work but have to pretend I can do things because my bosses have been more than understanding throughout this entire process. We have also decided that I am going to do 3 months of Lupron to quiet my system so the inflammation won’t cause as much pain. The down side is the amount of hot flashes but if the medication works then I’ll take hot flashes over unbearable pain any day.  Also, it is his belief that my tube is officially non-functioning. He says with the IUI we attempted last month and the fertility meds we’ve tried I should have been able to conceive but if my tube isn’t working that explains alot. Which means there’s only one way to have a baby…. IVF. If/When we go down this road we have already decided to freeze some embryos that way we know we’ll be able to have more than one child. It won’t be easy and it will be expensive but I won’t give up.

So here’s what I need from my friends and family. I need you to pray, send positive vibes, whatever it is you do to the universe or the deity in which you believe. I need this Lupron shot more than ever and IF insurance does not cover it I will continue to be in pain. By the way EVERYONE needs to write their Senator about this healthcare bill because women like me will loose their insurance because I have several pre-existing conditions. Anyway, if we have to pay out of pocket for Lupron (which would be a 3 month dosage) it would be $4,030.99. Yes, you read that right. Over $4,000…which if I haven’t mentioned I don’t have. So we have some decisions to make. I am hoping my insurance company will pay for this medication, I can be comfortable and we can make a serious plan of action. I know two women who have been in my shoes and I read the blogs and follow other infertile women on social media. They give me hope. They make me cry along with them. I know their struggle. I feel their yearning to become a mother. Just last night I was in so much pain I was crying and telling Russell it isn’t fair that he has a partner who can’t conceive a baby. A partner who is a failure. I feel guilt. I feel lost. He has never waivered when it comes to our journey. He says he wouldn’t choose anyone else to be his wife and that no matter what we have each other.  His reassurance gives me peace of mind and lets me know I just need to take things one day at a time.

Well there’s your endo update! There are  few blogs I didn’t share on social media so if you want to check those out they are down below!!

Until Next Time

xoxoxo

When are you going to have a baby? — June 20, 2017

When are you going to have a baby?

Sadly, I was asked this question by a person I do not know well. This person knows my husband and I know there was no ill intent in the question. I know for a lot of newlyweds the go to question (after the hundreds you get about your wedding day) is “When are you going to have a baby?”. This question haunts me. At the specific moment the question was asked my heart broke into a thousand pieces. You just never realize what moments are going to make you sad, cry or scream with frustration. This was one of those moments when I had to swallow my tears and just say “eventually”.

I’m going to be so blatantly honest right now. I thought I was going to shut down my blog. This is when I went through the IUI process (more on that in a bit). I had a lot of mixed emotions during that time. I am so grateful for the people who are always commenting and saying their entire perspective has changed about what this disease is and how it can truly affect you. I just thought it would be too hard to keep going with updates. I even had to tell my family I couldn’t update them anymore about where we are in our process because again, the questions were extremely overwhelming. I told each of my family members that I love them dearly but my emotional and mental state can not handle disappointing them, but myself too. This decision came right after our IUI last month. Obviously it failed because I am not pregnant. For those that don’t know an IUI is a term short for Intrauterine Insemination. The doctor take the catheter and puts it up as far as he can into the uterus hoping an egg will release, a sperm will attach to create a baby. So basically you go in like you are going to have your annual papp smear. They said I could resume normal activity that day because it’s basically just like having sex only there is some science involved. Side note** We did find out that my husband is performing well in all areas so our infertility issues are all on me! I was SO RELIEVED when they told me he is like Superman!!** A few days after the IUI I ended up cramping and that’s never a good sign after a procedure like that. After that I went home and rested and was no in the dreaded two week wait (tww) before we could take a pregnancy test. We had a bit of a scare because the cramping wasn’t going away and I had a few symptoms of an infection so they rushed me to the hospital because they feared they were going to have to take out my entire right side which would mean no children. Thankfully all the tests came back negative and the ultrasounds looked good. Then we waited a few more days and our doctor wanted us to test early because he thought there was a good chance we would be pregnant. I can’t really express how nervous I was. I bought a test and waited until the next day. The test was negative. I cried. Russell was bummed. And we just kinda vegged out all day in a trance like state. We discussed what we both want for the future and what choices we would need to make for the following month (this month). I developed a pretty large cyst so we are not on any type of fertility medication this month but we are hoping to get back on track next month. This month we received permission to try on our own because you simply never know what could happen.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to share that I’d had an IUI. 1. Russell isn’t as fond of sharing our story as I am. He is a very private person and I try very hard with this blog to keep his feelings and opinions as a priority. 2. I am still dealing with effects of the IUI, emotionally speaking. Personally, I am not sure how much more I will be sharing. I am not sure when my next blog will be. All I can say is the women who are trying to conceive (ttc) and have given me advice and words of encouragement, thank you. Your words help keep me fighting. Russell and I have a game plan of what we are going to do each month until the end of the year. I’m going to be honest it’s been hard to remain positive during this time. I wish I were able to be that half glass full kind of a girl but there’s the part of me that’s realistic. This journey is hard. This journey is exhausting. This journey will test a couple in a way they never thought possible. Please continue to pray, send positive thoughts, speak to the universe or whatever is most comfortable to you. We truly appreciate all the good energy we are sent on a daily basis.

Here’s to continuing the fight towards Baby Young’s arrival.

Until Next Time

xoxo

Through the looking glass… — May 27, 2017

Through the looking glass…

Have you seen the movie Alice Through the Looking Glass? Ya, I haven’t either. LOL But what I can gather from the title of the film is that Alice is going back to Wonderland to help the Mad Hatter. “Through the Looking Glass”, to me, is portrayed as looking at things or people from your own eyes. Have you ever just looked at someone and caught them at a very raw and vulnerable moment? To me, that is a through the looking glass moment (Now I could be totally wrong on how I’m using this phrase so please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). This very thing just happened before going to sleep. I was going back into the living room to write and forgot I left the surface in our bedroom. I was being really quiet and I went in our bedroom to retrieve the surface but I see Russell eyes close, fingers laced together, praying. I can’t tell you what he’s praying for because he wasn’t saying anything out loud. But what I can tell you is I know he prays for me. He prays for our marriage, for our friendship, for our life together, for us to continually be as happy as we can be. For a baby. I know he prays for me to have peace because he knows there are plenty of times when I want to cave and just cry. There are moments when I’ve told him I don’t know how much more I can take. But looking at him in that moment was all the strength I need to keep pushing forward. Seeing him sending out positive vibes into the universe and praying for us to have our miracle baby, makes my heart so full. Knowing that this man is asking, begging, pleading for this month to be different gives me hope. He gives me the drive I need to keep going because there are so many days when emotionally I am not okay. I can’t tell you enough how much having him by my side has put many difficult and unexpected moments into perspective. The times when I’d ask “why?” or “when is it going to be our time?” or ” am I worthy enough to be a mother?” or ” am I being punished for something I’ve done?”. These questions are hard for anyone to answer let alone your spouse. The fear. The doubt that creeps in. All the negative emotions and thoughts that creep in every now and then are why I need him by my side. Seeing him take the time out of his day, even just for a moment to pray for us…. there are no words to describe that sight and feeling.

Going through infertility changes a woman…I’ve said this a million times before and I’ll keep saying that infertility changes everything about you. Infertility changes the way a woman looks at another with children, it can change the dynamic of a relationship, it can ruin friendships. Infertility has so many dark moments that seeing moments like Russell praying brings light into a very dark room. If there is one thing infertility has done it has brought us closer together. I feel like Russell and I are stronger and more connected than ever. I am glad I had this through the looking glass moment of watching him pray.

Keep stopping by for more updates on whats to come on your journey towards Baby Y!

Until Next Time

xoxo

Misconceptions about being Infertile — May 23, 2017

Misconceptions about being Infertile

There are many misconceptions about having infertility that I am not quite sure people are aware of. I’ll be going through some of them because they have affected me in more ways than one. Here goes my list of misconceptions.

  1. All people with infertility will be resentful of those who are able to get pregnant. This isn’t true…not fully anyway. When I was first diagnosed (and everyone knew this) it was very hard for me to process what I couldn’t have. I basically had tunnel vision and was only focusing on myself and a year and half later I realize that wasn’t the right thing to do. However, I learned a lot from last year. One major lesson was that I could be happy for my family and friends that are pregnant because I know that’s where they are at this time in their lives. They are getting married and planning on expanding their families. I am not upset or angry but actually the opposite. I am extremely happy for all my friends and family who have been able to get pregnant and have babies. Shout out to my sister who is pregnant with her first child! I am very excited for her because I know this is something she’s wanted for quite a while! I am very happy to love on this sweet new addition to our family and become an aunt again!!!
  2. I have a HUGE support system when in reality I have a handful of people who truly care. This isn’t a post to shame people but to be honest. There are very few people who’ve reached out to find out what’s going on. This journey has been very tough and unless your my husband, my mom, my dad or someone super close to me, you probably don’t know every single detail. This is because when something like this happens a lot of people don’t know what endometriosis is and can’t understand why plans are cancelled or why I’m just not feeling up to getting out for coffee or lunch. It’s not your fault, I just need lots of rest in order to feel like I can function. Plus, flare up’s from endometriosis are no joke. They last for any length of time and unless you have a serious game plan of how to get rid of them, you just have to wait it out. Shout out to my friends and family who have been my side, come to visit me in the hospital, and called or texted to check up on me. You all are the people I know I will have by my side for a long time to come.
  3. I’m not always sad. There are days that I have that are discouraging or not exactly the result I was hoping for but I pick myself back up and keep going. I know I’ve said something similar in a previous post but I allow myself time to mourn or wallow in pity. I do this because if I don’t my emotions will build up leading to a disaster. Sometimes I feel like when we go two steps forward we go one step back. I knew that going into this that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew this would be all consuming and that’s something I am still trying to manage. Don’t get me wrong there are still some days when I just want to lay in bed and wonder what the future is going to bring but I won’t do that. I pick myself up, get ready for the day and remain hopeful of what the universe has in store for us.
  4. I think this is the biggest misconception and annoyance for anyone going through infertility issues. “How to get pregnant advice”. This could not be more frustrating for me. I have people say “you need to just get drunk one night and do it…that’s how people get pregnant, you’re putting too much pressure on yourselves. But I don’t know much about what you’re situation is so that’s just my advice.” First of all, this is not only offensive but unnecessary. Do you honestly think if it were that easy I’d be going to reproductive endocronologist who has an extensive background in helping couples with fertility issues get pregnant? No, I wouldn’t. I am seeing this doctor because I have a disease that prevents women like myself from getting pregnant. It would be so easy for me to brush it off and act like that’s what I want to hear because that person thinks they’re being helpful but in reality they’re just making things worse. Telling me to relax and not stress is much easier said than done. When you have to seek these opinions of professionals because you don’t have any other options there is going to stress involved. I just think people should keep their how-to-get-pregnant-advice to themselves because they have no idea how much hurt they can cause a woman with infertility; especially if the “advice” was unsolicited.

That’s just my late night brain dump. I am always writing about random topics… mostly that tie into what’s going on in our world with fighting this disease. Please continue to send positive vibes and thoughts our way as we are getting closer and closer to one day bringing baby Young into the world.

xoxo

Mothers Day 2017 — May 11, 2017

Mothers Day 2017

Please stop asking if I’ll be okay this Mother’s Day. Yes I understand the significance of the day and how I’m struggling to conceive myself. However, I am still able to spend mother’s day with my three awesome doggies and husband… after all I did become a fur-mama almost 9 years ago when I surprised Russell with Lena!!! Not to mention I get to celebrate my WONDERFUL, AMAZING, puts-up with all my shenanigans mother!

For me mother’s day isn’t about dwelling on what I don’t have but rather being thankful for what I do have. I have an awesome mom (and step-mom) that I am blessed to walk through life with. I think of the numerous times a day I call her to tell her the most random things. LOL. But for me Mother’s Day is about celebrating all mothers, including those who may not have children on earth but have children watching over them. You, sweet sister are still a mother, no matter what anyone else says. I believe this holiday will afford you the blessings and light you may have been looking for.

While our journey hasn’t been easy or as long as some other people I know, I do know that we are on the right track. Yes, I do have down days where I can’t seem to think my way out of what is going on; so I sit and let my emotions surround me and with every breath I take I feel how deeply my emotions are effecting me. Once some time has passed, I am usually able to get through anything. Which is why I don’t want anyone else asking if I’m going to be okay on Sunday. I want people to celebrate the amounts of achievements we’ve had this year. I want to celebrate being a strong woman, one in which is putting her body through the ringer in order to conceive a baby. I want people to understand that I have stage four endometriosis but that I won’t let it define me.

Now, please understand that I feel for any woman who has lost a child. I can’t imagine what that feels like. My hope for you this Mother’s Day is to remember them how they were, what they would look like and what their voice would sound like if they were to call you ‘Mom’. I know it sounds painful but in sad moments we can find joy. So find joy on Mother’s Day. Smile. Laugh. Cry happy tears. Be with your loved ones and know that they understand what you are going through. Life is forever changed when we lose someone we love. Milestone holidays become big days and days we often run from. Let’s not run from our fears but instead face them with every fiber of our being. Because at the end of the day in order to get passed a challenge we must go through it. We can not go through a challenge if we are not ready. Each woman is going to be different. Each woman may not agree with what I’ve said.

I don’t want to be asked if I’ll be okay for major holidays just because others have children and I don’t (right now). Mother’s Day is about celebration for me; fun memories; loving times. I hope when the day arises and you may not be feeling like getting out of bed, you remember the purpose of your being; to stay strong even when you feel like giving up.

Until Next Time,

xoxox

Day 5 of National Infertility Awareness Week! — April 27, 2017

Day 5 of National Infertility Awareness Week!

Fast Facts About Infertility
Did you know that national infertility awareness week began in 1989?
 
And not just women suffer from infertility, men can have infertility issues as well.
 
7.4 million people suffer from infertility.
 
Approximately 85-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures. Fewer than 3% need advanced reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF) 
Number of married women aged 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant after at least 12 consecutive months of unprotected sex with husband): 1.0 million
I’m telling you these fast facts because the theme of this years National Infertility Awareness Week is Listen Up! The goal this year is to educate people who many not fully understand what infertility is…a crippling disease. I have been diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis for about a year and half, however, from what the doctors have concluded I have had since I was a teenager. I had my first ovarian cysts when I was 12. It ruptured right before my mom was to take us to school. I was always a drama queen so she didn’t quite know what was going on and thought my pain wasn’t as bad as I said it was. Come to find out my cysts had ruptured and from that time on I had the worst periods I’ve ever had. Please listen when your friends who are suffering from infertility say they need time or space away. Most days (for me at least) I want to be alone. I don’t want to be around others because I am reminded of what may never come. I cancel plans and don’t go to functions, not because I don’t want to but because I simply can’t.  I know I have been a bad friend but some days I simply don’t care because that feeling my friends get when I don’t go to function is magnified times ten because I feel like an even worse wife. What I hope you gain from reading this is the knowledge that this disease can’t be seen, it is felt. It’s felt in the terms of pain and the emptiness a woman feels each month when she isn’t able to conceive. Infertility sucks. Infertility is lonely. Many people don’t understand and won’t try to understand for one reason or another. I just hope this week you’ve learned something new because every bit of knowledge will help increase the chances that one day infertility treatments will be covered by insurance in all 50 states, there will be advanced ways to detect endometriosis and women will have more options to conceiving a baby.
Until next time,
xoxoxo 
Sweet Saturdays — April 15, 2017

Sweet Saturdays

So I haven’t had a Saturday off since my last surgery. I can tell you it feels weird and even when I had more corporate job I worked in the morning on Saturdays. (I always have Sundays off because I truly believe Sundays aren’t meant to be worked. And I sure love a good football or baseball game on Sunday!)

So we haven’t been up to much since my last post a few weeks ago. I’m stilling our IVF doctor and just completed my first round of Clomid! I can say that the hot flashes are the worst. And I can’t tell which ones were worse… the ones form Lupron or the ones from Clomid. I didn’t have many side effects, except for the occasional headache and I was able to manage those just fine. I had no nausea or vomitting like the directions said I could so that’s a good thing. I did feel a throbbing in my lower right side which the doc said would be normal as my eggs are hopefully getting bigger! AND we had 4 eggs when we started so hopefully on Tuesday when I go for my next ultrasound we will see some pretty good looking eggs.

I can say when all this started I never realized how difficult it would be. I just thought I would have surgery to treat the endometriosis and be on my merry way. I never realized what this disease could do to a person both mentally and physically. I guess you just never know what you are able to withstand until you are faced with adversity. I can say that our families and friends have been really supportive and loving during this time. As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, we do have a plan in place but I won’t be as open about our plan as everything else. Our plan is something we decided together and we’d like to keep it private until we are able to get pregnant.

Speaking of getting pregnant, did you know Russell told me he really wants a January baby?! I had no idea he wanted a winter baby until about a month ago when we politely asked if we could have one around his birthday…more specifically he said he wanted one with his Zodiac sign! I couldn’t help but laugh because I said you can’t request what month your baby is born in. He said he could and is adamant that we’ll have more than one and one will be a January baby. This just goes to show you that even throughout all this stress and heartache does come laughter, which is the best kind of medicine!

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend and are enjoying this weather!

Until Next Time,

xoxo

It might take a year, it might take a day but what’s meant to be will always find it’s way — April 9, 2017

It might take a year, it might take a day but what’s meant to be will always find it’s way

The quote above was what I needed to read this week. I’ve been seeing a lot of pineapples in the most random places and each time I see one I am reminded that a miracle baby will eventually (hopefully soon) be on his or her way.

As most of you know I was on a medication called Aygestin last month. It is a fertility medication that stops your reproductive organs for a brief period of time (mine was 3 weeks). This is to help try to kill off some of the endometriosis and shrink the endometrioma. Well the medication worked in that aspect. I had three more new and growing cysts and the aygestin was able to get rid of them! Yay! I had an ultrasound that showed I had a really healthy egg and we were told to try and if I didn’t get my period I would go in to see if they could find out if we were pregnant. Well I ended up getting my period a few days ago. I’m not going to lie or sugar coat it…I was disappointed, sad, angry, frustrated, and had that feeling of being let down. I gave myself that 10 minutes to cry and be upset and then I immediately called Dr. K’s office. I have an appointment Monday for an ultrasound to make sure my eggs are still healthy and hopefully there are a few more that come out dormancy since the endometrioma has shrunk. I was told  by the nurse on the phone we will be going straight to clomid. This medication is more aggressive (in a good way). This will allow our doctor to closely monitor the rest of my cycle, doing some testing and tell us the exact day that is best for conception.

All of this is so exciting to me and I am thinking of how things could work and how our lives could change in an instant. I’ve rearrange the house and done all of my spring cleaning, including clearing out the garage, because the day I am told we are pregnant I want to enjoy every moment of being pregnant. So often I see women complain about how they don’t want to be pregnant anymore once they hit month 7 or 8. But what those women fail to realize is women like me and many many others would give anything to know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside you. I see little comments every day that bother me because from my perspective they are taking their pregnancy for granted because there are so many women who are not blessed with the opportunity to have a child.

To my friends and family with children. Hug them a little closer each time you see them because one of your friends could be going through something so unimaginably lonely and you may not know. Remember 1 of 8 women suffer from endometriosis. 1 in 8.

Please send us all the baby dust in the upcoming weeks. I am hopeful that we can conceive our little miracle baby!

until next time

xoxo