babies, best friend, black, blogger, breaking news, Dayton, endometriosis, growing, husband, illness, infertility, IUI, learning, lies, life, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, modeling, Ohio, PIO, PUPO, reproductive health, sex, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, women, women's issues

Just When You Start to Feel Alone…

There’s this group on Facebook called Endometriosis and Me. I stumbled across the website and noticed that the women there seem so connected. And not in the everyone is connected on Facebook way, but that much deeper connection, is the type of relationship these women are in. At the time of me looking for a group to join I needed a group like this. For the last year I’ve been pretty quiet. I only ask questions that are really concerning or to get medication advice from these women.  I have never met any of these women but for some reason I feel like we are bonded and connected by this disease. This disease is awful and with doctors and big pharma it will continue to take on average 10 years before a woman is diagnosed with this disease.

And can we talk about these women? These women are some of the strongest women I’ve ever “met “in my life. They share their stories. They share when they’re having a tough day. They share when they can’t get out of the house and do something normal because when this disease grabs hold of your body it doesn’t let go. We make plans only to cancel them last minute because we don’t feel well or can’t seem to move out from our fetal position on the floor with the heating pad wrapped around our bellies. These women really, truly, understand what the saying ‘the little things matter’ means. Our little things are small victories like getting out of bed, showering, putting on real clothes, no leggings and a sweatshirt, real decent clothing. Our little things are getting through the day without feeling a stabbing pain at some point in your stomach, back, or pelvic area. For me my wins include putting makeup on on a day when I’m not working; cleaning the entire house without feeling like I’ve been hit by a train going 100 miles per hour. Small victories can get us throughout the day but not always.

There are some days when you’ve accomplished a few things but in your mind it’s not enough. That’s where having a person who supports you is so important. In the group, Endometriosis and Me I asked the girls to share their story of who their person is. A few girls said they are single and live alone so they don’t have a person. These women also mentioned how hard dating is with endometriosis, which I can’t even imagine since dating seems to be the worst thing to want to do right now, endo or not. But, Crystal’s story really got me emotional. She talked about her boyfriend and how much he has been able to get her through this. She said her journey has been especially hard. But he is there for her. He lays in bed with her and they do Netflix marathons, while snuggling and eating popcorn. She is going through the depo shot and I pray she doesn’t experience all the awful things I did. She mentioned how he rubs her feet, draws her relaxing baths, and goes to all of her appointments because he knows how bad her anxiety in doctor’s office settings are for her. There’s something that can happen along the journey of going through endometriosis. We as women start to think we aren’t pretty enough or good enough for our partners. Her story and testimony are why strong relationships exist. Her story is a true example of true love. When a woman is diagnosed with endo and their partner finds out there is a possibility they may never have children it’s scary. Don’t think for one second that I wasn’t telling Russell to never leave me. In fact, after my left ovary and tube were removed, during our engagement, I told him I would understand if he wanted to be with someone who didn’t have endometriosis, who could give him everything he wants in life. But he said he will always choose me and I am forever grateful for my husband and his decision to help me fight this. Every woman you talk to will have a different story on who their person is. But usually it’s the person who is there for them most and takes care of them. For me, my person is my husband because even though he’s sick right now he’s making sure I have enough pillows and blankets to keep me warm. He is my angel sent from heaven.

To all the girls out there who feel alone, like we all do at times, let’s connect! Leave a comment with your social media and we can be friends, even if it’s just the kind of friends to talk about who shitty endo is. And if you have a story to share of your person I’d love to hear about it! Connect with me on Facebook or Instagram or on here! And please remember your self worth and value are more than what this disease makes you think.

Until Next Time


babies, best friend, black, blogger, breaking news, Dayton, endometriosis, growing, I Am That Girl, infertility, IUI, learning, lies, life, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, Ohio, pageant girl, PIO, PUPO, race, reproductive health, sex, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, women, women's issues

Still having Hot Flashes…

This week has been filled with highs and lows. Needless to say I’m ready to relax tomorrow and forget the world exists. July 25 I went into the fertility doctor’s office and they gave me the shot. They said once week 12 hits I shouldn’t have hot flashes, insomnia, etc. I’m having the hot flashes and even worse the ever before. My ears turn bright red,  my nose turns red and my entire body from top to bottom sweats so much you’d think I Just ran a marathon.

It’s been a long week because there has been a lot to do. I had to schedule our second opinion. We’ve decided it’s best to go to Cincinnati. I already see a Nuerologist at UC Health. Dr. Vij. He’s amazing and the reason I keep going back to get my botox! I’m getting my last botox treatment until after we give birth. In order to get botox I have to count four months out on the calendar and know when we’re in the safe zone to conceive.  But I am excited to meet this new guy and see what he has to say. Everyone is going to be different but I hope he will hear me when I speak to him. We have a lot more reasons for choosing UC Health but getting the best care is what is most important to us, especially if I have to pay for everything then I’ll make sure  we are seeing the person we want to see. Not to mention our current doctor can’t see us until we are ready to begin IVF treatment. We feel this is the perfect time to get a second opinion. I realize all the costs that are associated with infertility but I am signing up to get pregnant.

But I’ve had such a down week. It all began at the beginning of the week because I was feeling awful. I had to cancel a few appointments I had with friends and with my doctors simply because I couldn’t get out of bed. I cried a lot and  said to the universe ” why is this happening to us? I’ve been a little unstable emotionally this week. Every little thing stressing me out. I’m noticing negative thoughts are entering my space. Thoughts talking about me as a mother, how do I deserve a child over someone else, am I ready, etc. All these questions are consuming me and for a split second earlier this week I thought maybe I’m being punished for something I did in a past life. But I’m coming around now.

Some days are better than others and I’m still learning how to deal with emotions that infertility brings.  As also, please hug a friend extra tight and let them know you’re there. Even if it’s just to text about their day. I have a very small circle of girlfriends and one of them has been so understanding of why I can’t do things when I did say I could do. She understands how much this takes out of me. I’m not ignoring anyone if they are trying to hang out!

Until Next Time



Dayton, fashionista, fitness, life, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, Ohio, pageant girl, photography, shoe addict, women

Official shoot as Miss Miami Valley Captivating


Have you ever had that feeling that you are so lucky to have met someone? Well that has happened to me. Before pageants I had only known one photographer and while his work is amazing he lives an hour and half away from me which isn’t always easy, especially when he has other things he does. So one day I just happened to take the spot of a girl who couldn’t do a Mary Kay vendor event. That is when I me Beth. Oddly, it was like love at first sight, seriously. She is the most bubbly person and she is so just so cute and SO MUCH FUN! I am so thankful for her. Like I’ve said in my previous post Beth is amazing to work with She find these amazing places to shoot and I just always have a blast when I’m with her

The purpose of this shoot was to showcase me , officially, as Miss Miami Valley Captivating! I love every photo. The first photo you will see is my favorite because I was not paying attention. Beth was doing a few practice shots and this one made the cut. To me it is so stunning and elegant, everything a girl wants to feel 🙂 These pictures are so fun and so me and if you have a chance please follow Beth on instagram (@bethphillipsphoto) and see her work for yourselves!! Check out the link below to see my fabulous pictures!!

Until next time!


boudoir, Dayton, Mary Kay Cosmetics, modeling, Ohio, photography


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If you haven’t heard of Beth Phillips Blair, you are missing out on getting the best pictures you’ve ever seen taken. She is incredibly talented and I am beyond blessed to know her and call her my friend.

I met Beth a few years ago at a vendor event. I was filling in for a girl who couldn’t go. Beth approached me and handed me a Stella and Dot look book. (Everything is super cute) We stayed in touch through social media and when it came time to compete in my pageant last year I borrowed a few items from her. This year she decided she wanted to expand her portfolio and asked if I would be her model. Of course I said yes! Beth also did my official photos for Miss Ohio US International. We were outside in the cold, while it was raining, taking these photos and they turned out beautifully.

We went to studio one in Dayton. I had never heard of studio one but when I got there I knew it was the perfect space. We went with two outfits and did a mini boudoir session. I have always loved being in front of a camera and knew this opportunity would be fantastic. The session was super quick and so much fun! I was laughing and comfortable. Those are two things that are very important to me when I am modeling for someone. I want to be able to have a good time but most importantly I want to feel comfortable. I have always been a little shy and insecure but with Beth there is no second guessing. There is no thinking if I am standing at the right angle or look good in the lighting. Shooting with Beth was a dream come true. Her work is perfection and she takes it very seriously. There aren’t enough wonderful things I can say about Beth.

I hope you all enjoy the photos as much as I do because I never felt more amazing! For more information about Beth check out her website!

Until next time!