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Why Don’t You Just Adopt?

Today’s topic: adoption. Before we dive in and get to this blog I want to make it very clear that Russell and I love adoption. We love hearing success stories of people who are going through infertility and they think they have one last shot at having children so they go the adoption route and their family is complete. We are advocates of making sure children have a safe, happy, loving home. I am 100% supportive of adoption.

There is one simple, yet complicated question that keeps being brought up. Why don’t you just adopt? It’s much more complicated than that and here’s why. Adoption isn’t free. Adoption costs on average $25,000. Adoption is also a never guaranteed thing either, because sometimes the woman who is pregnant could change her mind or there are some unforeseen circumstances that change everything for both families. I will say this until the cows come home but I want to experience pregnancy, even if it’s just one child. I want to feel it all, well not all of, like morning sickness, but you know what I mean. I want to invest our money in ourselves. And I can’t tell you how many people take offense to that. In our minds if we go straight from where we are which is stage 4 endometriosis, to adoption we just passed GO without collecting our $200. Basically, we are missing out on opportunities to become parents ourselves.

I’m being 1000% honest when I say this. The moment I/we decide to go for adoption I’ve given up hope that we can conceive on our way. I refuse to give up on myself. Remember Russell has no issues and for a man whose 40th birthday is next month is levels are of that of a man in his early 30’s so we have absolutely nothing to worry about with him. But my clock is ticking a bit faster.  We know that in the next couple of months we are going to have to bite the bullet and begin treatment. We can not risk the endometriosis spreading and causing more damage to the only side I do have. Back to adoption though…sorry we veered left for minute. I am not ready to think about adoption. It makes me very emotional. I know that the universe ultimately is the one who will let us know what we going to be able to. Adoption is scary because even though that child is yours, you didn’t carry them for 9 months and feel the labor pains. As I stated in my last blog that I want to feel what labor feels like. I want to know what a contraction can be. But most importantly I want to feel a bond between my baby and myself.  I want to take a picture of a growing belly and see what fruit my baby compares to. But going through adoption I won’t have that opportunity. And I’m sure those of you reading this are probably like wtf is wrong with her. There are thousands of children that need homes and help and you are saying no. The short answer is I’m saying no for now. Russell and I have been trying naturally for 14 months and clearly my body isn’t functioning because after the first IUI I thought for sure I was pregnant. But it was negative. To me, if we decide to start the adoption process I will have failed myself. My body has failed me when it comes to having the adoption conversation. All I really want to say is let me get through Christmas and then we’ll think a little more, take the rest of the year to apply for 4 amazing loans I found to be a perfect fit for us. More on that in another blog.

I wanted to clear this up because this is one of the most frequently asked questions. So, no adoption in the near future because IVF will work. Even if I have to eat a lot pineapple. Two, we are still trying but not getting any positive results. This part has been frustrating for me because I’m taking advice from the endo doc and they say IVF right away.

Can I be brutally honest for one minute? I’m scared. Scared that I’ll let my husband down. If you don’t know you know he’d give the shirt off his back to a stranger. Shoot, when we were in Detroit for Thanksgiving he game a man $10 and said Merry Christmas. Little things like that remind me daily why I fell in love with him. Anyway, I don’t want to sound selfish but I can’t go through life wondering what would have happened if we didn’t try IVF at least once. I’m in the mindset of one day next year we’ll become parents. There are so many medical advances made every day that it’s insane what scientists and doctors are going to be able to achieve. Please when you ask why I wont adopt it’s because I want my babies made from my husband and me, first. Then if we can’t make that happen we’ll get to another game plan but right now we are putting all of our chips in front of the dealer and hoping we have the winning hand. Please continue to prayer for us, send positive energy, whatever spiritual thing you are into add us to your list of giving thanks and lifting us up. I truly don’t think how strenuous a marriage can be when you throw in every day life stuff but then your partner gets diagnosed with an incurable disease.

Having this been cleared up, please don’t ask me why I won’t adopt because I refuse to give up on myself, my husband and everything we’ve talked about thus far in our journey.

 

I’m thinking of doing a Q&A for my next blog so if you have any questions please shoot me a message on facebook and I’ll go through them and answer then for you!

Until Next Time

xoxoxox

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University of Cincinnati Center for Reproductive Health

I’ve struggled with what to write the last few weeks. Not only have I felt a little down but I also didn’t know how to process my feelings enough to write down. We went down to the University of Cincinnati’s Center for Reproductive Health in West Chester. It’s been a few weeks now because I remember it being an all day visit. The doctor that I saw was young, not more than a few years than I am. She asked me the normal questions, why were we there, what made me think I had endometriosis, what do we want to do,etc. I answered all her questions and I asked a lot too. I brought all my records with my from the last two and half years. She didn’t really look at them until we started talking about what we had planned. She talked about an IUI, which there facility charges about $1200 per IUI (Kettering charged $800). So for us that was a bit of an increase, plus I had already said I would not go through another IUI. She said that’s where we needed to start in order for her to get a better understanding of how my reproductive system is or is not functioning. I was adamant on not doing another one because they are too difficult on me emotionally and mentally. The two week wait is a lot to handle and with only having one tube there is a lesser chance of us getting pregnant. She then suggested using donor eggs because I only have one side. I have made the decision I will not use donor eggs because it’s just as risky as going through IVF. I know this is going to sound crass or even selfish but if I am going to carry a child and use science to get pregnant I want my baby to have my DNA. Now, I know that is going to make some people mad but that’s the choice I have made with Russell’s consent. She then suggested IVF, which is the route I know we are going to have to take. For them IVF at it’s lowest is $16,000. For us it’s more like $18-$19,000. She said I don’t have a high chance of getting pregnant. That’s where she and Dr. Karnitis’s opinion are different. He says because my body is able to react well with fertility meds he is confident we could have triplets if we wanted to. However, our UC doc says she doesn’t think it’s a high probability. We ended the appointment disappointed and relieved at the same time. We have also decided it would be best for us to stay in Kettering. But we wanted to get a second opinion to make sure we weren’t missing any information.

It is very important for me to have a doctor that can see the positive in any situation. The doctor at UC only seeing the negative is not going to help us get through this process. The nurses, doctors and care team at Kettering are always there for us. They were there when I needed to cry, have a ton of questions, and give us good news. I need a doctor who is the best at what he/she does, and Dr. Karnitis is it. We have also decided to put fertility treatment on hold for now because the holiday’s are just too hard emotionally on a regular basis but to add treatment on top would be too much. We are hoping that starting spring 2018 we will be able to begin the IVF process. Until then we are going to prep my body the best way we can with vitamins and supplements and lots of positive thinking. We are also going away for Thanksgiving, just the two of us to reconnect, spend some quality time together and take in some football games! As you can imagine going through infertility is hard on a couple. It’s stressful and draining. I have never said our marriage is perfect and never will. We are happy and love each other very much but we need some time to forget about daily life and have some fun.

We hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Until Next Time

xoxox

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Can I tell you a little secret?

I’m scared. I’m anxious. I feel a little like a failure…well a lot like a failure but we’ll get back to that in a minute. Thursday is the day we meet our second RE in the last 19 months. We just want a second opinion. Dr K.’s office says we can either go back on Lupron for another 3 months or have the worst periods ever and continue on that path until we are ready for IVF. At this point all my numbers are low. And by low I mean they are basically non existent. When I asked the nurse that works with Dr. K what to do next, like could we do a round of femara with a trigger shot and try on our own? Can we do the femara with trigger shot and then plan another IUI? I could hear the heartbreak in her voice because she said I’m sorry but the best thing you can do is to save up the month for IVF because no other is going to work for you. That’s when Russell brought up the idea of getting  a second opinion to see if they see something or have a different type of treatment that isn’t going to break the bank. What makes this harder is knowing nothing is wrong with Russell, thank goodness. His labs and analysis all came back extremely well and I am so grateful for that. But that means I’m the one that’s broken. And 13 months into a brands new marriage this is tough. I knew when we said for better or worse and sickness and in health  that phrase would ring so true over for us right now.

I know some people have asked about why we chose to see another RE (reproductive endocronologist) because Russell is all about asking questions. He is all about making sure we leave a meeting knowing every little detail before the paperwork has even come to our mailbox. I love that about him because in situations like we’ll be in I freeze and can’t think of anything to say. I just write down the answers and make sure we can discuss everything on the car ride home. We are also seeing another RE because I’m still in a lot of pain and I feel like I”m being heard. KRM is a great establishment with one of the highest live birth success rates. Dr. K. has been nothing but nice and straightforward with me and with Russell. But a second opinion never hurts because some doctors think more outside the box while others don’t.

I also don’t know if you all know this but Russell and I wanted to have 4 or 5 kids. In the very beginning stages of our relationship we would talk about how cute babies are and one day we’d have our own. Well Lena made her debut as a ‘Young’ about a week later. He thought I was taking her back but she was stuck with us and the other two that following. More about their stories in another blog. I got off on a tangent there for a second. My point is Russell and I have always wanted a large family. Now I’m not sure what we’ll have. We will definitely implant two maybe more depending on how we feel about it and see what happens from there. If somehow the universe will allow my body to make a few eggs we’ll let them become fertilized and freeze the healthy embryos in case we decide we want one more try at it in the future. Needless to say I’m sure you feel a little stressed reading this. This is what I go through on a consistent basis. Throw in some random questions like ‘why did Russell marry me know I have a disease that is incurable and children may not  be an option. And the am I pretty enough? Am  I good enough because with the way  I look and feel no man should have to look at it. But each time he says he loves me, he thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world and that children or no children we’ll be just fine as long as we have each other. Please send your positive vibes out for us this week and every week because infertility is bad but knowing it’s what you’ve always too is heart breaking.

Until Next Time

xoxoxo

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Still having Hot Flashes…

This week has been filled with highs and lows. Needless to say I’m ready to relax tomorrow and forget the world exists. July 25 I went into the fertility doctor’s office and they gave me the shot. They said once week 12 hits I shouldn’t have hot flashes, insomnia, etc. I’m having the hot flashes and even worse the ever before. My ears turn bright red,  my nose turns red and my entire body from top to bottom sweats so much you’d think I Just ran a marathon.

It’s been a long week because there has been a lot to do. I had to schedule our second opinion. We’ve decided it’s best to go to Cincinnati. I already see a Nuerologist at UC Health. Dr. Vij. He’s amazing and the reason I keep going back to get my botox! I’m getting my last botox treatment until after we give birth. In order to get botox I have to count four months out on the calendar and know when we’re in the safe zone to conceive.  But I am excited to meet this new guy and see what he has to say. Everyone is going to be different but I hope he will hear me when I speak to him. We have a lot more reasons for choosing UC Health but getting the best care is what is most important to us, especially if I have to pay for everything then I’ll make sure  we are seeing the person we want to see. Not to mention our current doctor can’t see us until we are ready to begin IVF treatment. We feel this is the perfect time to get a second opinion. I realize all the costs that are associated with infertility but I am signing up to get pregnant.

But I’ve had such a down week. It all began at the beginning of the week because I was feeling awful. I had to cancel a few appointments I had with friends and with my doctors simply because I couldn’t get out of bed. I cried a lot and  said to the universe ” why is this happening to us? I’ve been a little unstable emotionally this week. Every little thing stressing me out. I’m noticing negative thoughts are entering my space. Thoughts talking about me as a mother, how do I deserve a child over someone else, am I ready, etc. All these questions are consuming me and for a split second earlier this week I thought maybe I’m being punished for something I did in a past life. But I’m coming around now.

Some days are better than others and I’m still learning how to deal with emotions that infertility brings.  As also, please hug a friend extra tight and let them know you’re there. Even if it’s just to text about their day. I have a very small circle of girlfriends and one of them has been so understanding of why I can’t do things when I did say I could do. She understands how much this takes out of me. I’m not ignoring anyone if they are trying to hang out!

Until Next Time

xoxo

 

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That moment you realize no one believes you or your disease

I came to the realization that there are doctors, more specifically those who don’t fully understand what endometriosis is, and therefore think I’m faking my pain. It all started last Saturday at Kettering. I was in the ER for excruciating back and pelvic pain. I get back to a room where I wasn’t given an IV or anything. After a few minutes a lovely young lady walks in. I see she has a notepad and is in scrubs. So basically she’s a student learning for this shift. She sat down and asked the usual questions : why are you here? where is your pain? what has caused this pain? can you explain in more detail what endometriosis is? have you had surgery in the past? Tell me more about your surgeries. And this goes on and on and on and on because so many nurses have never heard of the term endometriosis before they encountered me. After sitting the room for over an hour, I’ve asked for water because I’m getting quite parched, they ask me to do a pee test. Now if I hadn’t seen what I did when I walked in maybe I wouldn’t be second guessing the reasoning  behind it all. And when the nurse came back into the room and said my sample was fine they just wanted me to make sure there wasn’t anything in my system. After that it was like here’s an anti-nausea pill and a shot of morphine and you get to go home now.

Here’s why I’m complaining. When a doctor can’t “see” pain it can be very hard to diagnose. But I feel like a lot of the time when things get too hard or their priorities shift they’re just like this girl needs to go there is nothing we can do for her. So now we are back at square one. I have an OBGYN appointment tuesday. As you can tell its 3am. I’m in more pain than you can imagine and the pain in my lower back is starting to spasm.

Until we have a day where information about endometriosis comes out and there is a cure or even a way to detect it, this is how endometriosis will continually be treated.

Until Next Time

xoxo

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Hello Friends!

It’s been SUCH a long time! So much has happened, yet time seems to stand still some days. I’m at a point in my journey where the pain is now chronic. If I don’t have a heating pad, ice pack or a comfortable place to sit I am very much in pain. Pain so much that it starts in my lower back and radiates up to my shoulders. I cramp randomly and I never know when they’ll happen. I don’t sleep because of the Lupron and am now seeking the help of a physical therapist.

For those that don’t know Depo-Lupron is a shot that stops a woman from having a period. I had it last year but don’t remember much of it because it was only one month doses. This time I got the 3 month dose. Lupron will force your reproductive system into menopause. You know all those times when your mom says “Is anybody else hot in here?” and you think okay you’re a little nuts… that has turned into me multiple times a day. I have hot flashes so bad it gets hard to breathe and I start sweating. There is nothing anyone can do I am supposed to be hitting a window where they will plateau. I’m hoping those moments are coming soon because I don’t want to relive this again 20-25 years. After this we’ll go through the IVF process. I am ready right now to start the process. I would start tomorrow if it were possible, however, we all know that unless you’re famous or just have a very well paying job, it takes time to save up the money for IVF. As I’ve stated before we have agreed to do whatever it takes to do this. I don’t think either of us have wanted something more in our lives.

I’m going through physical therapy because I can’t keep taking medications to help with the back pain. I am seeing a woman named Ellen and she is amazing! She knows about scar tissue and the damage it can cause to your organs. She explained to me that my lower abdominal muscles were extremely weak. She said my intestines were stuck in places it shouldn’t be and my pelvis is tilted all the way to my tailbone (ouch!). I have 30 sessions with her and she is hopeful we’ll be able to get my body in a better place. This will not only allow me to start working out again but it will be a better vessel to carry a baby(ies). Ellen knows about endometriosis and it’s effects on the female body. She has also an adoptive daughter. For me I really need to be able to connect to the staff at my doctor’s offices. At the IVF office I know one of the nurses and all the other women are so incredibly invested in us getting pregnant that I feel like I’ve connected with them. The staff Kettering Hospital is always great when I go there if I’m having a real bad flair up. And now Ellen. She was telling me about her journey through adoption and that it wasn’t easy but she now has this beautiful daughter whom she is very thankful for. I can already tell we’ll be laughing and healing at the same time!

Well, I think that’s all I have for now. I’m going to try to get some sleep but it looks nearly impossible at this point 😉 I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead of them and a GREAT National Fantasy Football Day on Saturday!

 

Until Next Time,

xoxo

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My Mom Told Me to Stay off Facebook but…

Welcome to another late night post! The title of this blog is dedicated to my mommy. She saw that I got offended by a post going around social media. For those that haven’t seen the post it is an ultrasound of twins. People are posting that they’re pregnant only for the end of the caption to say we just wanted to say congrats to whomever is having these babies. It had been about the tenth time I saw the post and out of frustration I said it is really insensitive to post fake pregnancy announcements. Ya know, like the ones where everyone says they’re pregnant on April Fools Day, only for it to be a joke. Now after that I got feedback about my post, specifically from mommy. She said right now I’m too sensitive to be seeing things related to pregnancy so I should probably should stay away from social media. BUT we all know I have to play devil’s advocate here and now that I’m an adult I can (sometimes) go against what my mom says to do. (Although I could fail miserably while not taking her advice in the first place lol) She just understands what I’m going through, the serious amount of medication my body has undertaken over the last 18 months and the fact that it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. Anyway, I got some criticism saying that if we can’t find humor in some things then we’ll never be able to laugh at anything. So there are mixed reviews and my mom is just trying to protect me from getting my feelings hurt unintentionally by what one person posts. To be fair she is right. I’ve never experience a level of sensitivity like this. And for those who know me know I’ve always been a sensitive person but I feel like my emotions are a roller coaster. Not all days, but some days. There are days when I cry asking the universe why I’m not good enough for a baby. There are days when I’m angry or frustrated that I can’t get pregnant after 9 months of marriage. Then I just sit and wonder ‘why me’? I wonder if there is something I did in a past life to have to go through this now. Maybe it’s to make me appreciate the journey we are going on. AND speaking of journey’s, this Wednesday at 3pm I will be going to our IVF specialist for my Lupron shot! I have waited very anxiously to see what was going to happen. I’m so thankful for the nurses and Dr. Karnitis for doing everything they can to help us. From answering all my phone calls, voicemails, and seeing me when things seem to be a little less than urgent. I am blessed to have such an amazing support staff and although this shot is going to burn like hell it’s the very first step to take to get to IVF. This road is going to be long, expensive, and worth.every.penny. The day I get to create a life inside and hold my little baby Young for the first time will be amazing. I don’t even have words to describe that feeling now. All I can say is that feeling is a yearning. A yearning for someone I already know I love unconditionally. I have a yearning to hold them close to my skin, smell their sweet baby smell, all while delicately kissing each part of their face. Trying to become a mother is full of overwhelming, heartbreaking, hopelessness. But for us we can’t keep silent, even if people don’t understand. My goal is to just educate one person on how endometriosis can severely change the life of a young woman. So I’m sorry mom but I won’t be staying off Facebook because a message needs spread around the globe that women need more affordable healthcare for reproductive health. Infertility needs to be considered as a general service, instead of a specialty service that we no option but to pay out of pocket for. Infertility needs to be brought up because there are also women who can’t afford to seek treatment, therefore feeling lost. If I lose friends or lose supporters along the way through this, that’s on them. I’m on a mission and I Continue reading “My Mom Told Me to Stay off Facebook but…”

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When are you going to have a baby?

Sadly, I was asked this question by a person I do not know well. This person knows my husband and I know there was no ill intent in the question. I know for a lot of newlyweds the go to question (after the hundreds you get about your wedding day) is “When are you going to have a baby?”. This question haunts me. At the specific moment the question was asked my heart broke into a thousand pieces. You just never realize what moments are going to make you sad, cry or scream with frustration. This was one of those moments when I had to swallow my tears and just say “eventually”.

I’m going to be so blatantly honest right now. I thought I was going to shut down my blog. This is when I went through the IUI process (more on that in a bit). I had a lot of mixed emotions during that time. I am so grateful for the people who are always commenting and saying their entire perspective has changed about what this disease is and how it can truly affect you. I just thought it would be too hard to keep going with updates. I even had to tell my family I couldn’t update them anymore about where we are in our process because again, the questions were extremely overwhelming. I told each of my family members that I love them dearly but my emotional and mental state can not handle disappointing them, but myself too. This decision came right after our IUI last month. Obviously it failed because I am not pregnant. For those that don’t know an IUI is a term short for Intrauterine Insemination. The doctor take the catheter and puts it up as far as he can into the uterus hoping an egg will release, a sperm will attach to create a baby. So basically you go in like you are going to have your annual papp smear. They said I could resume normal activity that day because it’s basically just like having sex only there is some science involved. Side note** We did find out that my husband is performing well in all areas so our infertility issues are all on me! I was SO RELIEVED when they told me he is like Superman!!** A few days after the IUI I ended up cramping and that’s never a good sign after a procedure like that. After that I went home and rested and was no in the dreaded two week wait (tww) before we could take a pregnancy test. We had a bit of a scare because the cramping wasn’t going away and I had a few symptoms of an infection so they rushed me to the hospital because they feared they were going to have to take out my entire right side which would mean no children. Thankfully all the tests came back negative and the ultrasounds looked good. Then we waited a few more days and our doctor wanted us to test early because he thought there was a good chance we would be pregnant. I can’t really express how nervous I was. I bought a test and waited until the next day. The test was negative. I cried. Russell was bummed. And we just kinda vegged out all day in a trance like state. We discussed what we both want for the future and what choices we would need to make for the following month (this month). I developed a pretty large cyst so we are not on any type of fertility medication this month but we are hoping to get back on track next month. This month we received permission to try on our own because you simply never know what could happen.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to share that I’d had an IUI. 1. Russell isn’t as fond of sharing our story as I am. He is a very private person and I try very hard with this blog to keep his feelings and opinions as a priority. 2. I am still dealing with effects of the IUI, emotionally speaking. Personally, I am not sure how much more I will be sharing. I am not sure when my next blog will be. All I can say is the women who are trying to conceive (ttc) and have given me advice and words of encouragement, thank you. Your words help keep me fighting. Russell and I have a game plan of what we are going to do each month until the end of the year. I’m going to be honest it’s been hard to remain positive during this time. I wish I were able to be that half glass full kind of a girl but there’s the part of me that’s realistic. This journey is hard. This journey is exhausting. This journey will test a couple in a way they never thought possible. Please continue to pray, send positive thoughts, speak to the universe or whatever is most comfortable to you. We truly appreciate all the good energy we are sent on a daily basis.

Here’s to continuing the fight towards Baby Young’s arrival.

Until Next Time

xoxo

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Misconceptions about being Infertile

There are many misconceptions about having infertility that I am not quite sure people are aware of. I’ll be going through some of them because they have affected me in more ways than one. Here goes my list of misconceptions.

  1. All people with infertility will be resentful of those who are able to get pregnant. This isn’t true…not fully anyway. When I was first diagnosed (and everyone knew this) it was very hard for me to process what I couldn’t have. I basically had tunnel vision and was only focusing on myself and a year and half later I realize that wasn’t the right thing to do. However, I learned a lot from last year. One major lesson was that I could be happy for my family and friends that are pregnant because I know that’s where they are at this time in their lives. They are getting married and planning on expanding their families. I am not upset or angry but actually the opposite. I am extremely happy for all my friends and family who have been able to get pregnant and have babies. Shout out to my sister who is pregnant with her first child! I am very excited for her because I know this is something she’s wanted for quite a while! I am very happy to love on this sweet new addition to our family and become an aunt again!!!
  2. I have a HUGE support system when in reality I have a handful of people who truly care. This isn’t a post to shame people but to be honest. There are very few people who’ve reached out to find out what’s going on. This journey has been very tough and unless your my husband, my mom, my dad or someone super close to me, you probably don’t know every single detail. This is because when something like this happens a lot of people don’t know what endometriosis is and can’t understand why plans are cancelled or why I’m just not feeling up to getting out for coffee or lunch. It’s not your fault, I just need lots of rest in order to feel like I can function. Plus, flare up’s from endometriosis are no joke. They last for any length of time and unless you have a serious game plan of how to get rid of them, you just have to wait it out. Shout out to my friends and family who have been my side, come to visit me in the hospital, and called or texted to check up on me. You all are the people I know I will have by my side for a long time to come.
  3. I’m not always sad. There are days that I have that are discouraging or not exactly the result I was hoping for but I pick myself back up and keep going. I know I’ve said something similar in a previous post but I allow myself time to mourn or wallow in pity. I do this because if I don’t my emotions will build up leading to a disaster. Sometimes I feel like when we go two steps forward we go one step back. I knew that going into this that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew this would be all consuming and that’s something I am still trying to manage. Don’t get me wrong there are still some days when I just want to lay in bed and wonder what the future is going to bring but I won’t do that. I pick myself up, get ready for the day and remain hopeful of what the universe has in store for us.
  4. I think this is the biggest misconception and annoyance for anyone going through infertility issues. “How to get pregnant advice”. This could not be more frustrating for me. I have people say “you need to just get drunk one night and do it…that’s how people get pregnant, you’re putting too much pressure on yourselves. But I don’t know much about what you’re situation is so that’s just my advice.” First of all, this is not only offensive but unnecessary. Do you honestly think if it were that easy I’d be going to reproductive endocronologist who has an extensive background in helping couples with fertility issues get pregnant? No, I wouldn’t. I am seeing this doctor because I have a disease that prevents women like myself from getting pregnant. It would be so easy for me to brush it off and act like that’s what I want to hear because that person thinks they’re being helpful but in reality they’re just making things worse. Telling me to relax and not stress is much easier said than done. When you have to seek these opinions of professionals because you don’t have any other options there is going to stress involved. I just think people should keep their how-to-get-pregnant-advice to themselves because they have no idea how much hurt they can cause a woman with infertility; especially if the “advice” was unsolicited.

That’s just my late night brain dump. I am always writing about random topics… mostly that tie into what’s going on in our world with fighting this disease. Please continue to send positive vibes and thoughts our way as we are getting closer and closer to one day bringing baby Young into the world.

xoxo

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Mothers Day 2017

Please stop asking if I’ll be okay this Mother’s Day. Yes I understand the significance of the day and how I’m struggling to conceive myself. However, I am still able to spend mother’s day with my three awesome doggies and husband… after all I did become a fur-mama almost 9 years ago when I surprised Russell with Lena!!! Not to mention I get to celebrate my WONDERFUL, AMAZING, puts-up with all my shenanigans mother!

For me mother’s day isn’t about dwelling on what I don’t have but rather being thankful for what I do have. I have an awesome mom (and step-mom) that I am blessed to walk through life with. I think of the numerous times a day I call her to tell her the most random things. LOL. But for me Mother’s Day is about celebrating all mothers, including those who may not have children on earth but have children watching over them. You, sweet sister are still a mother, no matter what anyone else says. I believe this holiday will afford you the blessings and light you may have been looking for.

While our journey hasn’t been easy or as long as some other people I know, I do know that we are on the right track. Yes, I do have down days where I can’t seem to think my way out of what is going on; so I sit and let my emotions surround me and with every breath I take I feel how deeply my emotions are effecting me. Once some time has passed, I am usually able to get through anything. Which is why I don’t want anyone else asking if I’m going to be okay on Sunday. I want people to celebrate the amounts of achievements we’ve had this year. I want to celebrate being a strong woman, one in which is putting her body through the ringer in order to conceive a baby. I want people to understand that I have stage four endometriosis but that I won’t let it define me.

Now, please understand that I feel for any woman who has lost a child. I can’t imagine what that feels like. My hope for you this Mother’s Day is to remember them how they were, what they would look like and what their voice would sound like if they were to call you ‘Mom’. I know it sounds painful but in sad moments we can find joy. So find joy on Mother’s Day. Smile. Laugh. Cry happy tears. Be with your loved ones and know that they understand what you are going through. Life is forever changed when we lose someone we love. Milestone holidays become big days and days we often run from. Let’s not run from our fears but instead face them with every fiber of our being. Because at the end of the day in order to get passed a challenge we must go through it. We can not go through a challenge if we are not ready. Each woman is going to be different. Each woman may not agree with what I’ve said.

I don’t want to be asked if I’ll be okay for major holidays just because others have children and I don’t (right now). Mother’s Day is about celebration for me; fun memories; loving times. I hope when the day arises and you may not be feeling like getting out of bed, you remember the purpose of your being; to stay strong even when you feel like giving up.

Until Next Time,

xoxox