When are you going to have a baby? — June 20, 2017

When are you going to have a baby?

Sadly, I was asked this question by a person I do not know well. This person knows my husband and I know there was no ill intent in the question. I know for a lot of newlyweds the go to question (after the hundreds you get about your wedding day) is “When are you going to have a baby?”. This question haunts me. At the specific moment the question was asked my heart broke into a thousand pieces. You just never realize what moments are going to make you sad, cry or scream with frustration. This was one of those moments when I had to swallow my tears and just say “eventually”.

I’m going to be so blatantly honest right now. I thought I was going to shut down my blog. This is when I went through the IUI process (more on that in a bit). I had a lot of mixed emotions during that time. I am so grateful for the people who are always commenting and saying their entire perspective has changed about what this disease is and how it can truly affect you. I just thought it would be too hard to keep going with updates. I even had to tell my family I couldn’t update them anymore about where we are in our process because again, the questions were extremely overwhelming. I told each of my family members that I love them dearly but my emotional and mental state can not handle disappointing them, but myself too. This decision came right after our IUI last month. Obviously it failed because I am not pregnant. For those that don’t know an IUI is a term short for Intrauterine Insemination. The doctor take the catheter and puts it up as far as he can into the uterus hoping an egg will release, a sperm will attach to create a baby. So basically you go in like you are going to have your annual papp smear. They said I could resume normal activity that day because it’s basically just like having sex only there is some science involved. Side note** We did find out that my husband is performing well in all areas so our infertility issues are all on me! I was SO RELIEVED when they told me he is like Superman!!** A few days after the IUI I ended up cramping and that’s never a good sign after a procedure like that. After that I went home and rested and was no in the dreaded two week wait (tww) before we could take a pregnancy test. We had a bit of a scare because the cramping wasn’t going away and I had a few symptoms of an infection so they rushed me to the hospital because they feared they were going to have to take out my entire right side which would mean no children. Thankfully all the tests came back negative and the ultrasounds looked good. Then we waited a few more days and our doctor wanted us to test early because he thought there was a good chance we would be pregnant. I can’t really express how nervous I was. I bought a test and waited until the next day. The test was negative. I cried. Russell was bummed. And we just kinda vegged out all day in a trance like state. We discussed what we both want for the future and what choices we would need to make for the following month (this month). I developed a pretty large cyst so we are not on any type of fertility medication this month but we are hoping to get back on track next month. This month we received permission to try on our own because you simply never know what could happen.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to share that I’d had an IUI. 1. Russell isn’t as fond of sharing our story as I am. He is a very private person and I try very hard with this blog to keep his feelings and opinions as a priority. 2. I am still dealing with effects of the IUI, emotionally speaking. Personally, I am not sure how much more I will be sharing. I am not sure when my next blog will be. All I can say is the women who are trying to conceive (ttc) and have given me advice and words of encouragement, thank you. Your words help keep me fighting. Russell and I have a game plan of what we are going to do each month until the end of the year. I’m going to be honest it’s been hard to remain positive during this time. I wish I were able to be that half glass full kind of a girl but there’s the part of me that’s realistic. This journey is hard. This journey is exhausting. This journey will test a couple in a way they never thought possible. Please continue to pray, send positive thoughts, speak to the universe or whatever is most comfortable to you. We truly appreciate all the good energy we are sent on a daily basis.

Here’s to continuing the fight towards Baby Young’s arrival.

Until Next Time

xoxo

Through the looking glass… — May 27, 2017

Through the looking glass…

Have you seen the movie Alice Through the Looking Glass? Ya, I haven’t either. LOL But what I can gather from the title of the film is that Alice is going back to Wonderland to help the Mad Hatter. “Through the Looking Glass”, to me, is portrayed as looking at things or people from your own eyes. Have you ever just looked at someone and caught them at a very raw and vulnerable moment? To me, that is a through the looking glass moment (Now I could be totally wrong on how I’m using this phrase so please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). This very thing just happened before going to sleep. I was going back into the living room to write and forgot I left the surface in our bedroom. I was being really quiet and I went in our bedroom to retrieve the surface but I see Russell eyes close, fingers laced together, praying. I can’t tell you what he’s praying for because he wasn’t saying anything out loud. But what I can tell you is I know he prays for me. He prays for our marriage, for our friendship, for our life together, for us to continually be as happy as we can be. For a baby. I know he prays for me to have peace because he knows there are plenty of times when I want to cave and just cry. There are moments when I’ve told him I don’t know how much more I can take. But looking at him in that moment was all the strength I need to keep pushing forward. Seeing him sending out positive vibes into the universe and praying for us to have our miracle baby, makes my heart so full. Knowing that this man is asking, begging, pleading for this month to be different gives me hope. He gives me the drive I need to keep going because there are so many days when emotionally I am not okay. I can’t tell you enough how much having him by my side has put many difficult and unexpected moments into perspective. The times when I’d ask “why?” or “when is it going to be our time?” or ” am I worthy enough to be a mother?” or ” am I being punished for something I’ve done?”. These questions are hard for anyone to answer let alone your spouse. The fear. The doubt that creeps in. All the negative emotions and thoughts that creep in every now and then are why I need him by my side. Seeing him take the time out of his day, even just for a moment to pray for us…. there are no words to describe that sight and feeling.

Going through infertility changes a woman…I’ve said this a million times before and I’ll keep saying that infertility changes everything about you. Infertility changes the way a woman looks at another with children, it can change the dynamic of a relationship, it can ruin friendships. Infertility has so many dark moments that seeing moments like Russell praying brings light into a very dark room. If there is one thing infertility has done it has brought us closer together. I feel like Russell and I are stronger and more connected than ever. I am glad I had this through the looking glass moment of watching him pray.

Keep stopping by for more updates on whats to come on your journey towards Baby Y!

Until Next Time

xoxo

Misconceptions about being Infertile — May 23, 2017

Misconceptions about being Infertile

There are many misconceptions about having infertility that I am not quite sure people are aware of. I’ll be going through some of them because they have affected me in more ways than one. Here goes my list of misconceptions.

  1. All people with infertility will be resentful of those who are able to get pregnant. This isn’t true…not fully anyway. When I was first diagnosed (and everyone knew this) it was very hard for me to process what I couldn’t have. I basically had tunnel vision and was only focusing on myself and a year and half later I realize that wasn’t the right thing to do. However, I learned a lot from last year. One major lesson was that I could be happy for my family and friends that are pregnant because I know that’s where they are at this time in their lives. They are getting married and planning on expanding their families. I am not upset or angry but actually the opposite. I am extremely happy for all my friends and family who have been able to get pregnant and have babies. Shout out to my sister who is pregnant with her first child! I am very excited for her because I know this is something she’s wanted for quite a while! I am very happy to love on this sweet new addition to our family and become an aunt again!!!
  2. I have a HUGE support system when in reality I have a handful of people who truly care. This isn’t a post to shame people but to be honest. There are very few people who’ve reached out to find out what’s going on. This journey has been very tough and unless your my husband, my mom, my dad or someone super close to me, you probably don’t know every single detail. This is because when something like this happens a lot of people don’t know what endometriosis is and can’t understand why plans are cancelled or why I’m just not feeling up to getting out for coffee or lunch. It’s not your fault, I just need lots of rest in order to feel like I can function. Plus, flare up’s from endometriosis are no joke. They last for any length of time and unless you have a serious game plan of how to get rid of them, you just have to wait it out. Shout out to my friends and family who have been my side, come to visit me in the hospital, and called or texted to check up on me. You all are the people I know I will have by my side for a long time to come.
  3. I’m not always sad. There are days that I have that are discouraging or not exactly the result I was hoping for but I pick myself back up and keep going. I know I’ve said something similar in a previous post but I allow myself time to mourn or wallow in pity. I do this because if I don’t my emotions will build up leading to a disaster. Sometimes I feel like when we go two steps forward we go one step back. I knew that going into this that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew this would be all consuming and that’s something I am still trying to manage. Don’t get me wrong there are still some days when I just want to lay in bed and wonder what the future is going to bring but I won’t do that. I pick myself up, get ready for the day and remain hopeful of what the universe has in store for us.
  4. I think this is the biggest misconception and annoyance for anyone going through infertility issues. “How to get pregnant advice”. This could not be more frustrating for me. I have people say “you need to just get drunk one night and do it…that’s how people get pregnant, you’re putting too much pressure on yourselves. But I don’t know much about what you’re situation is so that’s just my advice.” First of all, this is not only offensive but unnecessary. Do you honestly think if it were that easy I’d be going to reproductive endocronologist who has an extensive background in helping couples with fertility issues get pregnant? No, I wouldn’t. I am seeing this doctor because I have a disease that prevents women like myself from getting pregnant. It would be so easy for me to brush it off and act like that’s what I want to hear because that person thinks they’re being helpful but in reality they’re just making things worse. Telling me to relax and not stress is much easier said than done. When you have to seek these opinions of professionals because you don’t have any other options there is going to stress involved. I just think people should keep their how-to-get-pregnant-advice to themselves because they have no idea how much hurt they can cause a woman with infertility; especially if the “advice” was unsolicited.

That’s just my late night brain dump. I am always writing about random topics… mostly that tie into what’s going on in our world with fighting this disease. Please continue to send positive vibes and thoughts our way as we are getting closer and closer to one day bringing baby Young into the world.

xoxo

Plans That Do Not Go According to Plan — May 19, 2017

Plans That Do Not Go According to Plan

Do you ever just map out how your life or something really important in your life is going to go and then get really disappointed when things just don’t work out? Well that’s me; sting here at 1am with some very intense pain in my lower back and lower abdomen. I can never sleep so why not write a bit and try to calm down a bit to see if I can sleep? At least its thunderstorming so I can listen to that and be in peace.

Over the last year and half I’ve had plans of how everything was going to go. After surgery one in February 2016 I had a goal that I was going to get healthy and the endometriosis wouldn’t grow back (had I known then what I know now I would have just discarded all my plans). But as we all know March comes and so does surgery number 2. After March I decided I wasn’t going to focus on the negative and see how this “experience” would help me grow emotionally, mentally and physically. Well that didn’t work because I became very bitter and angry. Angry at the universe for giving me a disease that has no cure, no medication to control it and no way of knowing how bad it really its or how much of it has grown back without surgery. I cut myself off from my friends and even my family because all I wanted to do was be alone. I wanted to sit and think and really open my soul up to the universe and just try to figure out how to get out of the rut I was in. So I focused on our wedding, which was the best distraction I could have asked for. Planning our wedding was the most fun I’ve ever had! When August rolled around I had so much going on, I was finishing my year at Miss Captivating, in the final 8 weeks until we got married and then surgery 3 was scheduled unexpectedly. By this point I’d gained 25 pounds and just didn’t feel like myself. I had given up on looking good for the pageant because at that point there was no hiding the weight gain but I wanted to be present for that event and kind of shut my brain off that weekend. After surgery 3 we were in the clear (or so I thought). The final stages of putting our wedding together were going perfectly. Everything had been done and there were just a few last minute things to get for our reception. And the rest of the year went so well. We had consulted with my OB/GYN but for 3 months nothing. As newlyweds I knew that trying wasn’t going to be easy. Then out of nowhere surgery 4. The big one. The one that for me was the hardest. I think my body was in so much shock from the previous surgeries that it really had no recovery time; in 12 months I’d had 4 surgeries. In January I got really discouraged and we kept trying until this spring when we went to see Dr. K. at KHN. Ever since we’ve been going through this regimen and I’m hoping it works.

Last month was a true example of how things didn’t go according to plan. Last month I had my first round of Clomid, followed by a trigger shot and timed intercourse. And let me tell you that’s really awkward to hand your husband a schedule and say these are the days we need to try for a baby. We did exactly what the doctor and the morning I took a test I couldn’t look at it. I peed on the stick like you always do and then put it in the box. When Russell and I looked at the results, which was a negative, I broke. I never knew I wanted something so badly until that moment. At that moment I went back to bed and just cried. I realized then that this entire process is about not having anything go according to plan. I have to give up all my expectations because if I don’t I will continually be let down. This entire time I’ve had a plan but at some point I have to give everything I have to the universe and say ” Okay. I give my everything to you. You will bless us with a baby when you feel the time is right.” I ask the Goddess of Fertility for her help because I know she is looking over us.

Throughout this process I’ve had to learn how to love and let go. Let go of the baggage I’ve been carrying around. Let go of the negativity. Let go of this idea that having a baby later in life is a bad thing. Let go of the judgments I’ve placed upon myself. Let go of the what if’s. There are so many things that don’t go accordingly to plan but if having a baby means not sticking to any agenda, I’ll take it. We’re patiently waiting for our sweet bun to come to us. Until then, I’ll just keep writing and hoping we are making progress.

xoxo

Mothers Day 2017 — May 11, 2017

Mothers Day 2017

Please stop asking if I’ll be okay this Mother’s Day. Yes I understand the significance of the day and how I’m struggling to conceive myself. However, I am still able to spend mother’s day with my three awesome doggies and husband… after all I did become a fur-mama almost 9 years ago when I surprised Russell with Lena!!! Not to mention I get to celebrate my WONDERFUL, AMAZING, puts-up with all my shenanigans mother!

For me mother’s day isn’t about dwelling on what I don’t have but rather being thankful for what I do have. I have an awesome mom (and step-mom) that I am blessed to walk through life with. I think of the numerous times a day I call her to tell her the most random things. LOL. But for me Mother’s Day is about celebrating all mothers, including those who may not have children on earth but have children watching over them. You, sweet sister are still a mother, no matter what anyone else says. I believe this holiday will afford you the blessings and light you may have been looking for.

While our journey hasn’t been easy or as long as some other people I know, I do know that we are on the right track. Yes, I do have down days where I can’t seem to think my way out of what is going on; so I sit and let my emotions surround me and with every breath I take I feel how deeply my emotions are effecting me. Once some time has passed, I am usually able to get through anything. Which is why I don’t want anyone else asking if I’m going to be okay on Sunday. I want people to celebrate the amounts of achievements we’ve had this year. I want to celebrate being a strong woman, one in which is putting her body through the ringer in order to conceive a baby. I want people to understand that I have stage four endometriosis but that I won’t let it define me.

Now, please understand that I feel for any woman who has lost a child. I can’t imagine what that feels like. My hope for you this Mother’s Day is to remember them how they were, what they would look like and what their voice would sound like if they were to call you ‘Mom’. I know it sounds painful but in sad moments we can find joy. So find joy on Mother’s Day. Smile. Laugh. Cry happy tears. Be with your loved ones and know that they understand what you are going through. Life is forever changed when we lose someone we love. Milestone holidays become big days and days we often run from. Let’s not run from our fears but instead face them with every fiber of our being. Because at the end of the day in order to get passed a challenge we must go through it. We can not go through a challenge if we are not ready. Each woman is going to be different. Each woman may not agree with what I’ve said.

I don’t want to be asked if I’ll be okay for major holidays just because others have children and I don’t (right now). Mother’s Day is about celebration for me; fun memories; loving times. I hope when the day arises and you may not be feeling like getting out of bed, you remember the purpose of your being; to stay strong even when you feel like giving up.

Until Next Time,

xoxox

Sweet Saturdays — April 15, 2017

Sweet Saturdays

So I haven’t had a Saturday off since my last surgery. I can tell you it feels weird and even when I had more corporate job I worked in the morning on Saturdays. (I always have Sundays off because I truly believe Sundays aren’t meant to be worked. And I sure love a good football or baseball game on Sunday!)

So we haven’t been up to much since my last post a few weeks ago. I’m stilling our IVF doctor and just completed my first round of Clomid! I can say that the hot flashes are the worst. And I can’t tell which ones were worse… the ones form Lupron or the ones from Clomid. I didn’t have many side effects, except for the occasional headache and I was able to manage those just fine. I had no nausea or vomitting like the directions said I could so that’s a good thing. I did feel a throbbing in my lower right side which the doc said would be normal as my eggs are hopefully getting bigger! AND we had 4 eggs when we started so hopefully on Tuesday when I go for my next ultrasound we will see some pretty good looking eggs.

I can say when all this started I never realized how difficult it would be. I just thought I would have surgery to treat the endometriosis and be on my merry way. I never realized what this disease could do to a person both mentally and physically. I guess you just never know what you are able to withstand until you are faced with adversity. I can say that our families and friends have been really supportive and loving during this time. As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, we do have a plan in place but I won’t be as open about our plan as everything else. Our plan is something we decided together and we’d like to keep it private until we are able to get pregnant.

Speaking of getting pregnant, did you know Russell told me he really wants a January baby?! I had no idea he wanted a winter baby until about a month ago when we politely asked if we could have one around his birthday…more specifically he said he wanted one with his Zodiac sign! I couldn’t help but laugh because I said you can’t request what month your baby is born in. He said he could and is adamant that we’ll have more than one and one will be a January baby. This just goes to show you that even throughout all this stress and heartache does come laughter, which is the best kind of medicine!

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend and are enjoying this weather!

Until Next Time,

xoxo

It might take a year, it might take a day but what’s meant to be will always find it’s way — April 9, 2017

It might take a year, it might take a day but what’s meant to be will always find it’s way

The quote above was what I needed to read this week. I’ve been seeing a lot of pineapples in the most random places and each time I see one I am reminded that a miracle baby will eventually (hopefully soon) be on his or her way.

As most of you know I was on a medication called Aygestin last month. It is a fertility medication that stops your reproductive organs for a brief period of time (mine was 3 weeks). This is to help try to kill off some of the endometriosis and shrink the endometrioma. Well the medication worked in that aspect. I had three more new and growing cysts and the aygestin was able to get rid of them! Yay! I had an ultrasound that showed I had a really healthy egg and we were told to try and if I didn’t get my period I would go in to see if they could find out if we were pregnant. Well I ended up getting my period a few days ago. I’m not going to lie or sugar coat it…I was disappointed, sad, angry, frustrated, and had that feeling of being let down. I gave myself that 10 minutes to cry and be upset and then I immediately called Dr. K’s office. I have an appointment Monday for an ultrasound to make sure my eggs are still healthy and hopefully there are a few more that come out dormancy since the endometrioma has shrunk. I was told ┬áby the nurse on the phone we will be going straight to clomid. This medication is more aggressive (in a good way). This will allow our doctor to closely monitor the rest of my cycle, doing some testing and tell us the exact day that is best for conception.

All of this is so exciting to me and I am thinking of how things could work and how our lives could change in an instant. I’ve rearrange the house and done all of my spring cleaning, including clearing out the garage, because the day I am told we are pregnant I want to enjoy every moment of being pregnant. So often I see women complain about how they don’t want to be pregnant anymore once they hit month 7 or 8. But what those women fail to realize is women like me and many many others would give anything to know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside you. I see little comments every day that bother me because from my perspective they are taking their pregnancy for granted because there are so many women who are not blessed with the opportunity to have a child.

To my friends and family with children. Hug them a little closer each time you see them because one of your friends could be going through something so unimaginably lonely and you may not know. Remember 1 of 8 women suffer from endometriosis. 1 in 8.

Please send us all the baby dust in the upcoming weeks. I am hopeful that we can conceive our little miracle baby!

until next time

xoxo

Fertility meds-1 Me-0 — February 27, 2017

Fertility meds-1 Me-0

Our journey towards having a baby began last Monday. It was a long yet insightful meeting with our doctors at Kettering Reproductive Medicine. I also had an appointment last Friday to more less see where we are in the stages of having a baby. My ultrasound didn’t go as I had planned. I have two endometriomas not one and they could only find one egg. However, one egg is better than no eggs so I’ll take it. We decided that it’s best if we are able to try to conceive on our own for a few months before jumping into IVF. Not to mention this couple of months will allow us to become financially prepared if we have to pay for IVF. So I started a medication called Aygestin. It’s a medication that will help my body produce more eggs. It also causes nausea, vomiting, mood swings, headache and dizziness. I’ve been dizzy, nausea and even projectile vomited all over our bathroom last night. I told Russell my stomach hurt last night and knew I would more than likely throw up but I told him I was okay. Then I sat up and knew immediately I wasn’t going to last… thus running towards the bathroom and not making it all the way.

But I refuse to complain. I have woah is me moments and moments when I cry (like last night) but I won’t complain about my journey. If anything this is teaching me to be stronger, to know my body is going to reject medications and that I will cry. For anyone who reads my blog and doesn’t know me, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I’m mad, sad, happy, or when I see those ASPCA commercials about dogs that need homes. I am learning that every woman’s journey towards getting pregnant is vastly different. Mine simply is harder. That doesn’t mean we won’t be blessed with a baby but our road is bumpier than others.

Continued positive vibes and thoughts for us as we continue on our journey to Baby Young!

Until next time,

xoxox

Daydreaming — February 23, 2017

Daydreaming

In my last blog I touched on how endometriosis changes a woman. I was scrolling through facebook today and came across an article from a page I follow called ‘Waiting for Baby Bird’. (Link is attached –https://waitingforbabybird.com/2017/02/21/an-open-letter-to-my-friend-struggling-with-infertility/)

If you don’t have time to read the article please make time. This blog hits home what every woman who suffers from infertility needs to read. It’s beautiful and brave in a way that speaks volumes. I wish there were more people like this in my life. I feel right now that a lot of people have been judging me for the decisions I have or have not made in the past. Some of these decisions resulting in friendships that are strained. Unfortunately, this is the side of infertility that I need support in. This article highlights what we need in those moments of darkness.

I had several moments of darkness and light this week. It started with our appointment on Monday. Our doctor is a very nice man who said we have a few options. We are making decisions on what is going to be best for us and taking everything one day at a time. My time of darkness came when he told me I have a 5x5x4.5 cm endometrioma inside my ovary. *WARNING: it’s about to get a bit graphic* Each month a woman has her period the lining of the uterus is shed along with the blood. When woman who have endometriosis have a period the lining of the uterus gets stuck on other parts of the body, such as the fallopian tubes, organs, where ever. Once the lining gets stuck to other organs it can’t be removed without surgery. Each month this happens. Well for me the lining of my uterus was shedding and going back into my ovary. At the same time that was happening blood was going back into my ovary and got trapped inside the lining causing a cyst that is not able to be removed. My endometrioma is more than 2 times the size of an ovary and for me I only have half an ovary so its pretty big. It is not able to be removed because the endometrioma is stuck inside my ovary with all my eggs. Removing the cyst would mean removing my eggs and that’s a risk I’m not taking. My endometrioma (otherwise known as chocolate cysts) will remain inside my ovary until it goes away on its own. If it doesn’t I’ll have to wait until after we are done having children to remove it. That was my dark moment of the week. I never would have guess that things looked worse than they were. I thought I was getting better but this feels a setback. However, thank goodness for Russell and his positive uplifting words. I am beyond thankful for him because he has been praying for us and our journey towards having a baby for a long time. Hearing him talk about how we are going to rearrange our home for a nursery gives me butterflies. I can’t wait for the day we get to experience it all…until then more daydreaming.

Until next time,

xoxo

How Endometriosis Changes You — February 14, 2017

How Endometriosis Changes You

Every young girl imagines how her future is going to be. She is going to meet a guy (whether its their high or college sweetheart), fall in love, get married and have a family. I know that was me. I also had a super huge wedding planned in a church but we all know that changed (and definitely for the better!).

One year ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had had some really bad periods but like I’ve said in previous blogs I just thought it was normal and kept going. Then slowly but surely it became harder and harder to do things, simple things, like working out and walking around the block. That’s when I went to see my OB and we scheduled my first laprascopy. The rest is history. This past year has changed everything. I have had to put my life on hold to make sure I am healthy enough to do activities. What you don’t know is that I was hurting on my honeymoon in Hawaii. I didn’t tell Russell because those 16 days were the most magical and I was damn sure not going to let that get in the way. But here’s how endometriosis has really changed me. I don’t see anyone. I don’t go to lunch. I don’t go shopping. I don’t because I can’t. I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning without feeling some kind of pain. If you don’t have this disease it’s very hard to explain what the pain is like to others who don’t have it. It’s hard to explain that sitting on my couch with my hot hugs heating pad and resting is all I can do right now. I can go out occasionally for date night but I want to do those things because it helps strengthen my marriage. Also, Russell has been there through this entire journey and he has seen first hand what I am going through, so he’s really the only one I can count on to be there 100% of the time (besides my parents and siblings).

Endometriosis has taught me that you need to be thankful if you can get pregnant easily because for those of us that can’t, it’s more than challenging. Endometriosis challenges your mental state, your emotional state and your physical strength. I have had moments where I thought I’d never come out of being sad, angry and depressed. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to be around babies without crying. But what endometriosis has given me is the strength to talk about my feelings. I started this blog because I wanted people to know what websites don’t tell you. The amount of weight I gained and lost and gained again because of the hormones was awful. Endometriosis has taught me that I’m a fighter. Marcano’s fight to achieve a goal and I even though my last name is now Young, the Marcano in me keeps me fighting for a baby.

As I write this blog now I am staring at the paperwork that will get us started on our IVF Journey next Monday. This new chapter is daunting. The paper work seems like a mountain to climb. I am scared. I am nervous. I am anxious. I am feeling so many emotions that it’s hard to write them down. What endometriosis has taught me most is patience and faith. I have to have faith in order for this to work. I also have to have the patience to get from one appointment to another.

Endometriosis has changed me. Endometriosis has given me a voice I never thought I’d have. Endometriosis is scary and at times it seems impossible to get through, however, with Russell by my side I know I can do all things I set my mind to. I am hopeful that 2017 will bring a pregnancy and healthy baby into the world.

I appreciate all of you how continue to follow my journey and keep up with what is going on. I appreciate you more than you know. Your positive thoughts, words of encouragement and thoughtfulness mean more to me than you’ll ever know!

Until next time,

xoxox