Throughout this journey I’ve been very open about my mental state and how I’m feeling about infertility, the emptiness that I felt when I kept getting negative pregnancy tests, the trying and getting a period and the disappointment that followed and just the downward spiral I felt I was going down. So after many talks and lots of thinking I decided that if I wasn’t going to go on medication I’d need to seek counseling from a third-party… because let’s be honest, there is only so much your family, friends and spouse can say to calm you down in a time of need.
Through my insurance I was able to find a therapist who is in my area but I was disappointed because she isn’t taking any new clients until August. So I went with my second option. And let me tell you that was a disaster. Keep in mind I’m big on first impressions. Like if I don’t get a good vibe from you in the first five minutes (really more like two minutes) I’m most likely not going to vibe well with you. I will not disclose the person’s name or location but I was not impressed. Walking into a cluttered space was overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact that I became even more anxious. Then I walk into the therapists office where they work and to my dismay it was even worse than the waiting area. I mean I was so distracted because the office was not what I had in mind. Correct me if I’m wrong but shouldn’t a therapist’s office be a neutral, yet inviting space to be in with plants and calming feel? All I could think about was the amount of things in the office, like a floor fan, humidifier, the crooked wall hangings, the magazines everywhere, and just the overall clutter. Not to mention they took a phone call in the middle of me answering a question! I felt like I couldn’t focus on the questions being asked because of the chaos I felt I was in. We all know we don’t go to therapy to be distracted, we go to find ways to cope with our issues. Needless to say I left more overwhelmed than I went in.
And can I mention the advice I was given when I was told them why I was having anxiety and depression. I was told when I’m anxious I need to breathe deeply through my nose and out my mouth three times. The second task I was instructed to do was to create a story from a happy time in my life and remind myself of that happy time to get out of a funk. To be honest, I was disappointed. I thought for my first session I’d go in and tell them what was going on and what events had led up to me seeking treatment. Now, I do understand that everyone has a different approach but I just didn’t feel this person was a right fit for me. So now I’m back to square one. I am doing my research and seeing who is covered under my insurance so I can see someone else.
But last week when I wrote my last blog I told you all that I’ve give you some pointers on what to say and what not to say to someone going through infertility because it’s a tough topic to talk about, especially if you aren’t familiar with what that person is going through and want to offer advice but don’t quite know how. So below are the What to Say and What Not to Say to someone going through infertility. I’ll just list them and give a quick explanation (if you have any questions please feel free to ask and remember this is just from my point of view)
What to Say:
*Let the person dealing with infertility know you are there
*Listen…sometimes we just need to vent
*Connect us with other women/couples going through infertility so we can share our stories, offer advice to one another and be cheerleaders for them. It helps more than you can imagine.
*Tell us when you’re pregnant
* I’m sorry you’re going through this
*Send us inspirational quotes or bible versus relating to infertility, i.e. Sarah and Abraham’s story
*I hate that you’re going through this
*I love you
*Asking how we are doing or if we need anything
*If you’re feeling down and need me to run and errand for you please don’t hesitate to ask (Shout out to my bestie Erin for ALWAYS saying this to me)
*I’m praying for you/praying for your strength and hope during this time
What Not to Say:
*It’s not the right time
*There’s always next month
*Have you thought about adoption (this has to be at the top of the most awful questions to be asked)
*Maybe it’s not in God’s plan for you to be a mother/parent
*Has your husband switched to boxers?
*Trust me you’re lucky you don’t have kids
*You must enjoy your sleep
*Just get drunk and have sex that’s how most babies are created
*You’re too stressed and that’s why you can’t get pregnant
*Whose fault is it? Yours or His?
*It’ll happen when it’s meant to be
*Don’t keep anything baby related from us. That’s the last we want because we still care about our friends and family babies and taking that next step in their journey. Just talk to use like you always do.
Just a few things I wanted to share because I’ve been told by a few people in my inner circle that they don’t always know what to say. So I’d thought I’ve a little sight (again as my opinion) about what will make it easier to transition into conversation.
Until Next Time