The title of this blog is going to be very important as you will come to see. Miracles happen every day. I remember the morning that my mami (grandmother) past away. It was around this time in January and for some odd reason I woke up out of a deep sleep. I learned later that day that not only myself and my mother, but my aunt who was living in New York at the time both woke up at the exact same time. I truly believe it was her way of saying goodbye to me, or rather thank you for driving my mom to Indianapolis to catch a flight to be with mami. I’m telling you this because events like that have not happened in my life.
However, in my last blog post I was up a few hours earlier than this one, writing a blog about my pain and how ready for Hawaii Russell and I were. Well I can tell you that our experience in Hawaii was beyond magical. We spent 16 blissful days doing whatever we wanted, hitting the re-set button and spending more quality time together than we ever had in our entire 8 year relationship. We both can most definitely agree that the best part of the trip was getting married. Being able to have such an intimate wedding was very important to us. Our wedding and our vows were for us, to bond us closer together and unite us as one. I can tell you all it was much needed and we will remember this trip for the rest of our lives.
It’s been a little over a month since my last blog. I realized in Hawaii that I also needed a break from technology. Being away in a place that is so laid back where you don’t have to be anywhere at a specific time and everyone is just so relaxed really is such a nice getaway. I also realized in Hawaii that anything can happen as long as you believe in it. Now I know that some of you reading this are going to think I’m crazy or too optimistic, however, I truly believe we can have a baby. I have been having these dreams lately where I am holding my baby after birth. Each time I see Russell and our Doula and I hear this cry. A cry of love; a welcoming sound into the world. I should probably tell you all why I believe I have been having these dreams. My hairstylist, Jessica is a very important person to me. She and I met several years ago when she started doing Mary Kay. She has this presence that when she walks into a room you want to know who she is. She draws people in and I immediately felt a connection to her. Little did I know she would be doing my hair and we would be connecting on a whole nother level! Jessica has always been passionate about what she does, which is hair, and I sure am glad she does mine otherwise it would look like a hot mess. Anyway, earlier this year around the time of all my surgeries she felt this heaviness about me. I knew what it was but didn’t want to admit it and she said the words I wasn’t ready to hear (but I knew I needed to hear them from someone other than my doctor and myself) “You’re body is telling you it isn’t ready to have a baby”. You see I was willing to get pregnant before we left for Hawaii because that’s how badly I want a baby. So Jessica started practicing reiki (which I had never heard of before she told me what it was). She had me a do a little ceremony to open myself up to the universe. I have always believed that if you connect yourself with the universe, center your soul and truly believe that against all odds anything is possible, your dreams will come true. The first time she wanted me to do a ritual I asked Russell to do it with me. He was willing and we stood under this beautiful full moon and asked the universe to bless us with a baby. After the first ritual I felt a very calm feeling almost like I had just got done with yoga. Then she asked permission to do reiki when she felt necessary but wherever she was. Of course I said yes! Russell and I have done two rituals so far. Both very intimate and to save the intimacy I won’t go into detail of what we do but it is very special.
What I will say is Jessica is an empath. She knows exactly what I’m feeling and when. Just the other day she sent me a text asking how I was feeling because she felt that I was feeling heavy, sad. She encourages me to keep going. She gives me advice when I need it. She believes in miracles. The point of my blog is not to keep reminding you that I have endometriosis. It’s to remind you that the journey to becoming a mother is not always easy. For some yes it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy. However, for 1 in 8 women it’s not. It’s years of pain, multiple surgeries, heartbreak and sometimes loss. The point of this entire blog is to show you the good, the bad, the ugly and the happy. Having this disease is difficult because as a woman you feel robbed and don’t understand why you have this. I am sharing my story with you all because often times women don’t have someone who wants to be as open with their journey. I am not afraid to show you what my belly looks like now, what appointment I had and what everything means going forward. I am grateful for the support system I have because without them I wouldn’t be where I am today. Two months ago I was told that I have a less than 5% chance of conceiving on my own. Because of Russell and his undying love for me and to Jessica for continually working with me and connecting us more with the universe, I truly believe we will witness a miracle.
Until next time