anxiety, babies, beauty, becoming parents, black, blogger, body shaming, Dayton, depression, dreams, endometriosis, failure, family, fitness, foodie, growing, husband, I Am That Girl, illness, infertility, influenser, IUI, IVF, Kids, learning, life, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, married, negative, Ohio, pageant girl, Pageants, photography, PIO, positive, Poverty, PUPO, racial issues, reproductive health, resolve.org, sad, self talk, shoe addict, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, wife, women, women's issues

Negative Self Talk and Doubt

At what age does negative self talk begin? Is it when we are integrated into school with children who come from different backgrounds and just simply don’t know how to ask questions in a positive way? Is it when we are bullied in front of others? Is it when girls start being mean to one another for no reason other than to bring someone else down?

A few days ago I had a beautiful friend of mine write a post on Facebook saying, “I don’t understand how anyone could stare at the that is me.” Naturally, those of us who know her know this is not true. She was flooded with comments saying she was beautiful and shouldn’t think otherwise. I told her to continue being the queen she is and keep slaying; not only did I mean that but I think this girl has got to be one of the most beautiful women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. So this whole conversation got me thinking. We ALL talk negatively about ourselves, the way we look, how small or big our boobs are, the our feet look, the angel of their nose when they a specific direction. I want to do two things: 1. Share my struggle with self talk and 2. Encourage you to say one positive thing about yourself every morning for 21 days. Why 21 days? It takes three weeks to form a habit that will stick and last. So be kind to yourself because I can tell you when you’re kind to body it is kind to you in return.

We all know I struggle with my weight. A few months ago I was having another appointment with Dr. Karnitis to which we were discussing our IVF treatment options. I brought up my weight and how I wanted to lost 10-15 pounds before I get pregnant. Dr. Karnitis said absolutely not. He said I need to stay my weight if not gain more to help keep my uterus happy for a baby or two. I understand wanting to be at the perfect weight when getting pregnant but I don’t want to feel and look overweight before we have children, because let me tell you I’m getting to the point of no return. By that I mean if I don’t start something soon I’m just going to continue gaining weight I don’t want. I’m not gonna lie I feel uncomfortable talking with friends about my weight because they think I’m crazy for being uncomfortable at 136 pounds. (Yes I said it, no I don’t think it’s taboo lol) My entire life up until the last three years has been me eating whatever I wanted and not gaining a pound. Then pageant prep happened and I made HUGE goals happen. I mean I was able to walk on stage, strut everything I had in front of strangers, oh and my dad, so I was feeling myself that night. But every night since then I cringe looking at certain pictures because I can see a fat roll. The girls at work don’t understand why I’m complaining because they think I’m a small person, but I certainly don’t feel it. I’m uncomfortable with my body because right now I’m getting ready for the biggest day of my life and that’s transfer day. My body needs my uterus to be loved right now and according to the doctor that’s eating oatmeal or some sort of high protein breakfast every morning. I get oatmeal in 5 times a week so I think that’s a win in my book! There are also day I go to take a self to post on social media but I think I look like a cow or I tell myself I’m ugly. WHY?!?!?!?! This is maddening to me. I have vowed to start doing light, not a lot of back movement workouts, but something that will interest me and calm my mind and that’s yoga. So tomorrow I start my yoga journey!

Whew…that was longer than I thought it would be. I just wanted to hop on here and give encouragement to my friends who are struggling with anything. I’m still sitting here trying to think of an age when we would start to negatively talk to ourselves. And then going through some confusing times, like puberty, how does that affect the self-awareness, how do you build confidence in yourself? So many questions are running through my mind right now and I’d love to hear from you all! IVF mommas out there what were so things you did to prep your body for IVF because I just know we are having a baby/babies. I call myself mama even when talking to the doggies. I refer to Russell as daddy for the girls so there are some things I am doing to get ready to get ready to have a child(ren). If I don’t keep this mindset I fall apart and it doesn’t take much for me to have breakdown. So here’s to less negative self talk, more loving self talk and remembering we are all always a work in progress.

Until Next Time

xooxoxox

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s