babies, blogger, breaking news, endometriosis, illness, infertility, IUI, learning, life, Making a difference, mama to be, Ohio, pageant girl, PIO, PUPO, reproductive health, sex, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, women, women's issues

Endo Update

So I went to see Dr. Karnitis at Kettering Hospital today. It was a routine ultrasound because I’ve been having a lot of pain in my lower back and pelvic area. Like so much so that I cried on Sunday and had to leave an event early. So thankful to say everything looks great. My ovary (or what remains) has several follicles on it, which in and of itself is amazing! My uterus looks great and has a nice thick lining. Basically, Dr. Karnitis says my body is at it’s peak for holding a baby. However, the road to getting there is going to be more difficult than we thought this entire time. So let me give you a little insight as to what has happened. For a while I wanted to stay private and go through this with my husband and family but then that became a lot and I just started not talking about our journey. BUT, I need an outlet and I feel like this is a really good outlet for me.

When Russell and I first met Dr. Karnitis, we were going over my previous surgery notes. Again, he was so shocked that I’d had that much surgery in such a short amount of time. Then he started talking about my AMH levels. I’d never heard of that and I’m assuming you haven’t either. AMH is a hormone that your body, more specifically for a woman it’s in her ovaries. Your AMH level is going to tell a doctor at what percentage you are able to conceive. What I didn’t realize is my AMH level is at a 0.1. This means my reproductive system functions at the level of a woman who is 42 or older. For a woman my age my AMH should be 1.1-3.2. So this means I have less than a 5% chance of conceiving on my own.  This part of the blog is important for what I’m leading into.

Today, I wanted to talk about surgery #5. When it would happen, if it would happen. Dr. Karnitis and I are on different pages with what is best but I am going to go his route first. (He is very insistent that we are doing no more surgery but we may have to resort to that) We have decided to go with pain medication to help me be more comfortable. I can’t tell you all how hard the last few weeks have been. I can’t function. I can barely function at work but have to pretend I can do things because my bosses have been more than understanding throughout this entire process. We have also decided that I am going to do 3 months of Lupron to quiet my system so the inflammation won’t cause as much pain. The down side is the amount of hot flashes but if the medication works then I’ll take hot flashes over unbearable pain any day.  Also, it is his belief that my tube is officially non-functioning. He says with the IUI we attempted last month and the fertility meds we’ve tried I should have been able to conceive but if my tube isn’t working that explains alot. Which means there’s only one way to have a baby…. IVF. If/When we go down this road we have already decided to freeze some embryos that way we know we’ll be able to have more than one child. It won’t be easy and it will be expensive but I won’t give up.

So here’s what I need from my friends and family. I need you to pray, send positive vibes, whatever it is you do to the universe or the deity in which you believe. I need this Lupron shot more than ever and IF insurance does not cover it I will continue to be in pain. By the way EVERYONE needs to write their Senator about this healthcare bill because women like me will loose their insurance because I have several pre-existing conditions. Anyway, if we have to pay out of pocket for Lupron (which would be a 3 month dosage) it would be $4,030.99. Yes, you read that right. Over $4,000…which if I haven’t mentioned I don’t have. So we have some decisions to make. I am hoping my insurance company will pay for this medication, I can be comfortable and we can make a serious plan of action. I know two women who have been in my shoes and I read the blogs and follow other infertile women on social media. They give me hope. They make me cry along with them. I know their struggle. I feel their yearning to become a mother. Just last night I was in so much pain I was crying and telling Russell it isn’t fair that he has a partner who can’t conceive a baby. A partner who is a failure. I feel guilt. I feel lost. He has never waivered when it comes to our journey. He says he wouldn’t choose anyone else to be his wife and that no matter what we have each other.  His reassurance gives me peace of mind and lets me know I just need to take things one day at a time.

Well there’s your endo update! There are  few blogs I didn’t share on social media so if you want to check those out they are down below!!

Until Next Time

xoxoxo

Advertisements
babies, blogger, breaking news, Dayton, endometriosis, growing, infertility, IUI, Kids, learning, life, Making a difference, mama to be, marriage, Ohio, PIO, PUPO, reproductive health, sex, thoughts, transparency, truth, Trying to Conceive, TTC, Uncategorized, women, women's issues

When are you going to have a baby?

Sadly, I was asked this question by a person I do not know well. This person knows my husband and I know there was no ill intent in the question. I know for a lot of newlyweds the go to question (after the hundreds you get about your wedding day) is “When are you going to have a baby?”. This question haunts me. At the specific moment the question was asked my heart broke into a thousand pieces. You just never realize what moments are going to make you sad, cry or scream with frustration. This was one of those moments when I had to swallow my tears and just say “eventually”.

I’m going to be so blatantly honest right now. I thought I was going to shut down my blog. This is when I went through the IUI process (more on that in a bit). I had a lot of mixed emotions during that time. I am so grateful for the people who are always commenting and saying their entire perspective has changed about what this disease is and how it can truly affect you. I just thought it would be too hard to keep going with updates. I even had to tell my family I couldn’t update them anymore about where we are in our process because again, the questions were extremely overwhelming. I told each of my family members that I love them dearly but my emotional and mental state can not handle disappointing them, but myself too. This decision came right after our IUI last month. Obviously it failed because I am not pregnant. For those that don’t know an IUI is a term short for Intrauterine Insemination. The doctor take the catheter and puts it up as far as he can into the uterus hoping an egg will release, a sperm will attach to create a baby. So basically you go in like you are going to have your annual papp smear. They said I could resume normal activity that day because it’s basically just like having sex only there is some science involved. Side note** We did find out that my husband is performing well in all areas so our infertility issues are all on me! I was SO RELIEVED when they told me he is like Superman!!** A few days after the IUI I ended up cramping and that’s never a good sign after a procedure like that. After that I went home and rested and was no in the dreaded two week wait (tww) before we could take a pregnancy test. We had a bit of a scare because the cramping wasn’t going away and I had a few symptoms of an infection so they rushed me to the hospital because they feared they were going to have to take out my entire right side which would mean no children. Thankfully all the tests came back negative and the ultrasounds looked good. Then we waited a few more days and our doctor wanted us to test early because he thought there was a good chance we would be pregnant. I can’t really express how nervous I was. I bought a test and waited until the next day. The test was negative. I cried. Russell was bummed. And we just kinda vegged out all day in a trance like state. We discussed what we both want for the future and what choices we would need to make for the following month (this month). I developed a pretty large cyst so we are not on any type of fertility medication this month but we are hoping to get back on track next month. This month we received permission to try on our own because you simply never know what could happen.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to share that I’d had an IUI. 1. Russell isn’t as fond of sharing our story as I am. He is a very private person and I try very hard with this blog to keep his feelings and opinions as a priority. 2. I am still dealing with effects of the IUI, emotionally speaking. Personally, I am not sure how much more I will be sharing. I am not sure when my next blog will be. All I can say is the women who are trying to conceive (ttc) and have given me advice and words of encouragement, thank you. Your words help keep me fighting. Russell and I have a game plan of what we are going to do each month until the end of the year. I’m going to be honest it’s been hard to remain positive during this time. I wish I were able to be that half glass full kind of a girl but there’s the part of me that’s realistic. This journey is hard. This journey is exhausting. This journey will test a couple in a way they never thought possible. Please continue to pray, send positive thoughts, speak to the universe or whatever is most comfortable to you. We truly appreciate all the good energy we are sent on a daily basis.

Here’s to continuing the fight towards Baby Young’s arrival.

Until Next Time

xoxo