Invisible Illness Awareness Week — September 28, 2016

Invisible Illness Awareness Week

Starting on September 26 and going through October 2, it is considered invisible illness awareness week. I am all for bringing awareness to invisible illnesses, especially when it comes to my own, however, I think every day we should be aware that there are invisible illnesses. I know many of my friends who suffer from invisible illnesses. Not only do we suffer but our loved ones suffer because they are going through this journey with us. For me personally, I have 2 invisible illnesses. I have endometriosis, which I have to battle every day because of pain, as well as, chronic migraines. I have had migraines since I was 12 and hate them more than anyone can understand. I am allergic to certain foods that I love because they’ll trigger a migraine. For example, I can’t eat Chinese food because it’s got too much MSG and I’ll get very sick. I can’t eat any lunch meat, have to watch my dairy intake, can’t have a lot of caffeine (which means decaf coffee– so not the same), and a plethora of other things, including not being out in the heat for long periods of time. When I do get a migraine, it’s over. I am laid up in bed for hours, if not days at a time. I can’t see straight, my head hurts so bad it feels like I’m being hit in the head with a sledge hammer, my senses are off. I can’t take taste anything and can’t eat because my body won’t let me. My ears ring and my head throbs. The only thing I can do is lay in bed in the complete dark with a fan on to drown out the noise. This goes on for a few hours or a few days. It is one of the worst things a person can go through. Not to mention I get really ill, like throwing up and not being able to hold liquids down, which is a lose-lose situation because if I’m throwing up I can’t take my medicine to try to help me feel better.

We all know my battle with endometriosis. I was diagnosed this year but have been suffering from this disease much longer. I just found out that many women who have endometriosis don’t get diagnosed until they have been suffering anywhere from 8-10 years. This stat sounds right to me only based on what I’ve experienced. You all know through my blogs that my periods have been awful. I mean my lower stomach cramps so badly that I can’t walk, my lower back hurts so bad it hurts to bend over, my ovaries throb (or rather my ovary) and it just feels best to lay on the couch or in bed with my heating pad on my belly. I’ve had three surgeries this year to try to help me. All the surgeries resulting in scars on my belly and a new way of life. Endometriosis has changed me. I used to be so up tight and worrying about everything. I used to think about how things would be in the future. I used to think about the number of kids I would have and what their names would be. But this year has taught me that life is short. You can’t worry about the unknown. I can pray and hope and be thankful for what I have. I have the pleasure of getting married in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I am marrying my best friend who has been with me on this crazy journey. I have learned to let go of the people that are toxic in my life and embrace life more than ever. I have learned through endometriosis that personal reflection is going to get me to better places in life. Endometriosis has taken my emotions through a roller coaster but if I wasn’t on this journey I wouldn’t be able to appreciate my life in the here and now.

Finally, having an invisible illness makes life hard. However, when you have an invisible illness you need to have a partner in life that understands you and loves you through and through. I have to say that your partner has to be strong. They have to be there with you, they have to understanding when you are sick. There is a lot of guilt a person with an invisible illness has to deal with. There are many days that we have to ask for help because we simply can’t function. There are so many times when I wish I could thank Russell for everything he has done for me. But the most important thing I wish he understood is that I am blessed to have him. Not only is here there for me and takes care of me, but he prays for me. Each person needs to be with someone who is going to pray for them. He is my light at the end of the this dark tunnel. One day things won’t be like this and I’ll remember how hard this time in our lives was and I’ll be able to be thankful for this journey.

Please say a prayer for your friends and family going through an invisible illness. Every day is an uphill battle and every day we need support, love and prayer.

Until Next Time

xoxo

Where Theres A Will Theres A Way  — September 18, 2016

Where Theres A Will Theres A Way 

At my last appointment the news was both good and bad. Good because my uterus looks great and will be able to hold a baby to full term! Bad because my fallopian tube is very badly damaged and the chances of us conceiving without IVF is less than 5%… So basically it would be a miracle. But miracles can happen right?! 

So I have been thinking a lot about what to do. Some days are worse than others because as a woman you are supposed to be able to bear children. I know for some people it’s easier than for others but I never thought I’d be in this position. I am big believer in your path is predestined and we are on our paths for a reason. 

So after our appointment I took a few weeks to think about what our options would be. I took the referral I was given and called the IVF doctor in our area. However, as our appointment gets closer I had a change of heart. Part of me still believes I can do this on my own. 5% is still better than 0%. I know for those of reading this, you’re probably thinking I’m making a bad decision but I really think we can do this on our own. I’ve talked to Russell, even cried a lot, because let’s be honest, my hormones aren’t all balanced out yet and I cry at the drop of a hat, and we truly believe we can do one naturally. 

I would love for all of you to say a little prayer for us. Send us baby dust in Hawaii and hope that around Christmas time we find out we’re pregnant because that would be the best Christmas present I could ask for. 

Until next time

Xoxo

2016= No Bueno — September 5, 2016

2016= No Bueno

2016 was supposed to be the best year of my life, instead it’s turning out to be not so good. I will say though,that getting engaged and being engaged has really a been a big help. Planning a wedding has been amazing, fun and as stress free as it gets! I can’t thank Russell enough for having the great idea to go elope.

I know there are times when I am incredibly transparent with  my journey through endometriosis. I share a lot of information and some people don’t always get it. But I share my story because the more people hear about my journey the more they’ll know about endometriosis and what it can do to a woman, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. I won’t lie after my post-op appointment on Monday I felt so alone. I felt like no one I could talk to would be able to relate or get what I’m saying. No matter how many times I tell Russell what I’m going through and how I’m feeling, he’ll never really be able to understand because he doesn’t have this disease. This disease has taken away so much from me and I won’t let endometriosis take away my chance to become a mother. Monday was one of the worst days I’ve had in a very long time. Each time at my Post-Op appointments there has always been bad news. I think this time hit home more than the other two. I’ve cried all week, I’ve felt depressed, I’ve felt angry at those who have children or are pregnant. The feeling just comes out of nowhere and it is so overwhelming I can’t help but cry.

God made women to be able to bear children and I hope and pray every day that I’ll be blessed with children. I know this disease won’t go away until I have my last surgery.

Here’s to hoping for lots of baby dust in Hawaii!!!

 

Until Next time

xoxo