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No Belly Button, No Problem…Right?

We all have belly buttons when we are born. Some are innies. Some are outies. Some grow to be more oval and some grow to be more round. I had a round innie that was to me normal with a little birthmark above it. Now, thanks to endometriosis, my belly button is vastly different. Today marks 7 days since surgery and my bandages finally fell off today! (Yay, for that!) BUT, I saw what my belly looks like and holy guacamole it’s not a pleasant sight. It (my belly button) along with the rest of my belly look like they’ve gone through war.I’m bloated, my incisions while they don’t hurt are healing and my insides are very sore. My belly button has this sit through it and you can see where it’s going to healed but it’s not a perfect little circle anymore. I know as we get older, things changed and our bodies morph into these creatures that we don’t always know. Over the last six months I have watched as my body as changed before my eyes. I’ve gained almost 20 pounds in 6 months, can’t move around or do anything too strenuous before I start to hurt again, and am in fear of going through all of this to never have a baby. I remember I was in so much pain the day after surgery that I asked Russell if this was going to be worth it. I was in tears and emotional because after surgery sucks and the Lupron is making me more emotional with my hormones being out of wack so I just had a mini melt down. I told him all my fears and what I don’t want to happen. However, at this point things are beyond my control. I’m a big believer in your journey is already set for you. I’m not a fortune teller (however at the rate we are going I may go see one) and I can’t see if a baby is in my future. I pray and hope and wish every day that a baby will be easier to conceive than what the doctors are thinking. Apparently when you only have a 25% chance to get pregnant, the journey isn’t going to be easy. My one wish is for all of you to say a prayer, it doesn’t have to be right now or tonight. But when you hear or see of a woman going through endometriosis, IVF, has a surrogate or is told they can’t ever kids, please pray for them. These women have so much courage and I admire them so much. I have several friends going through IVF, one on round 2 and the other on round 1. I pray for them every day. I pray they are able to bring healthy babies into this world next year. My endo sisters are near and dear to my heart.

As for my belly button, I guess I’ll just have to learn to love this new one, just like I’m learning to love this new body of mine.

Until next time.



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Surgery #3


Yesterday was hard day. Really this entire week has been hard. I’ve been stressing about surgery and what will happen in the future. I know the future is not something I can control, however, I still find myself wondering what will happen. Yesterday I had my third surgery in 6 months. Pain wise for this one was just about as bad as my partial hysterectomy. I’m resting now but it’s very hard to do things without help. I had a laparoscopy done, endometrial biopsy, chromopertubation, and a hysteroscopy. I’m sure many of you are asking “Angelica what the heck does any of that mean?” Well, my laparoscopy was done as usually, it was done in my first two surgeries, to allow my OB to see where my scar is and if it’s spread any more. The endometrial biopsy is taking a piece of my endometrium to be tested for any abnormalities. The hysteroscopy is normal, that just allows my doctor to look around and see if anything isn’t going right in my uterus. And lastly, the chromopertubation is a fancy term for poking holes in my ovary. Because insurance companies don’t cover A LOT of women’s reproductive health issues, the doctors and nurses have to find ways around procedures so the insurance companies do cover them. How crazy is that? The reason they poked holes in my ovary is to help give me the optimum chance to have as many follicles as I can get. Remember I only have 1/2 of an ovary so we are already behind the game here.

Yesterday surgery took about an hour and forty five minutes. I woke up in a lot of pain and just wanted to come home. Any one else just get that feeling after you’ve been in the hospital for so long that all you want to do is go home and lie in bed? That’s what I kept asking until they finally let me leave. I’m on bed rest and can’t do much. Sleep doesn’t go well because I can’t sleep on either of my sides. Getting up and around is hard because there are two incisions to add to my collection. They are located right on my belly button (or slightly above) and one a little further down. You never realize how many muscles in your stomach you need until you are restricted from using them.

My point with this blog post is to tell you it’s not been easy. I’ve receive a lot of criticism from people I thought were supportive. People are uncomfortable with my openness when it comes to endometriosis. I would apologize and say I’m sorry but I’m not. How many women can honestly say before they knew someone with endometriosis, or they are going through it themselves, knew what is was? Because I sure didn’t. No one ever informed me that I could have an invisible disease that could potentially stop me from having a baby. For those that don’t understand why I talk about my struggles, it’s because I want women to know it’s okay to talk about your struggles. It’s okay to ask questions about your body. It’s okay to be scared. I share part of my struggle with others in hopes that one day maybe the right person will read this blog and say, ” Hey maybe we should be talking about these issues and giving women more options when it comes to reproductive health care”. I’m not doing this to gloat or for anyone to feel bad for me. I know I am on this path for a reason. I know that in the end when I can hold a baby in my arms all this pain will be worth it.

until next time,