We all have belly buttons when we are born. Some are innies. Some are outies. Some grow to be more oval and some grow to be more round. I had a round innie that was to me normal with a little birthmark above it. Now, thanks to endometriosis, my belly button is vastly different. Today marks 7 days since surgery and my bandages finally fell off today! (Yay, for that!) BUT, I saw what my belly looks like and holy guacamole it’s not a pleasant sight. It (my belly button) along with the rest of my belly look like they’ve gone through war.I’m bloated, my incisions while they don’t hurt are healing and my insides are very sore. My belly button has this sit through it and you can see where it’s going to healed but it’s not a perfect little circle anymore. I know as we get older, things changed and our bodies morph into these creatures that we don’t always know. Over the last six months I have watched as my body as changed before my eyes. I’ve gained almost 20 pounds in 6 months, can’t move around or do anything too strenuous before I start to hurt again, and am in fear of going through all of this to never have a baby. I remember I was in so much pain the day after surgery that I asked Russell if this was going to be worth it. I was in tears and emotional because after surgery sucks and the Lupron is making me more emotional with my hormones being out of wack so I just had a mini melt down. I told him all my fears and what I don’t want to happen. However, at this point things are beyond my control. I’m a big believer in your journey is already set for you. I’m not a fortune teller (however at the rate we are going I may go see one) and I can’t see if a baby is in my future. I pray and hope and wish every day that a baby will be easier to conceive than what the doctors are thinking. Apparently when you only have a 25% chance to get pregnant, the journey isn’t going to be easy. My one wish is for all of you to say a prayer, it doesn’t have to be right now or tonight. But when you hear or see of a woman going through endometriosis, IVF, has a surrogate or is told they can’t ever kids, please pray for them. These women have so much courage and I admire them so much. I have several friends going through IVF, one on round 2 and the other on round 1. I pray for them every day. I pray they are able to bring healthy babies into this world next year. My endo sisters are near and dear to my heart.
As for my belly button, I guess I’ll just have to learn to love this new one, just like I’m learning to love this new body of mine.
Until next time.