Hello all! It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog but I’ll just jump right into things.
As usual, the topic of conversation is endometriosis. I usually write a blog after I’ve gone through a rough patch or just had an appointment, sometimes both. I want to discuss the link I posted yesterday about the struggles of infertility. Now I haven’t given birth (yet hopefully) and I haven’t been pregnant before. However, painful isn’t the first word that comes to mind when I think of endometriosis. Jaded. Jealous. Sad. Hurt. Those words come to mind. In the article the man says, “…but you can’t help the jealousy. The envy. The resentment.” He’s right. You get jealous of everyone and all the posts you see on social media about people announcing their new bundle of joy.
I can tell you one thing, when you are told you have very little chance to have a baby, your perspective changes. You look at people differently. I say this (and it’s important to understand.) As a woman, our job is supposed to be to get pregnant. We are supposed to bear children and have little ones running around. However, when you are told that you don’t even have a 50% chance of having a baby, you get scared. Then come the surgeries. Mine were back to back so my body had almost no time to heal. I remember getting the news that I’d be having a partial hysterectomy. I cried for what seemed like days. I blamed myself for not asking more questions. I thought I should have known better than to deal with cramps that would double me over in so much pain. I thought that’s what all women went through. Turns out I was just battling a disease that is incurable and taking lots of medication that would help me try to remain comfortable.
As I type this I’m sure you’re all wondering why I keep talking about a subject that not many people know about until I tell them that I have stage 4 endometriosis. I’m talking about this because I’m in pain now. So much so that I have to hold back tears. I hide my pain from everyone and pretend like everything is okay when in reality I want to curl in the fetal position and just sleep the pain away. I also want to cry because I want a baby. Saying you want a baby is like saying I want a million dollars (not really but I think you get what I’m trying to say). Some people get pregnant easier than others. I have learned that when I see a pregnant woman, tears just well up and I have to do everything in my power to fight it. I have to tell myself that one day I’ll get there. One day at a time.
So my friends, the next time you hear of someone that has endometriosis, hug them tight. They need it more than you know.