This blog post is much more personal than my previous posts. Most of the time when we think of blogs we think of wedding blogs, photography blogs, latest trend in clothes and hair styles. The purpose of this blog was to let people see what my life on a daily basis, especially now that I get to be Miss Captivating for a year. But there are also going to be times when I talk about how migraines affect my life, the latest detail or fun fact about our upcoming wedding in Hawaii, or just anything that pops in my mind. But this blog is hard. This blog hits home with me.
As many of you know, I have had some health issues for a little while now. At the beginning of December I started having some cramping that was unusual. I had an ultrasound that revealed a cyst that had formed on my ovary. 6 weeks later I was hospitalized with a very bad pain in my abdomen and had to go to the ER. It was there that I found out I had one more cysts on my right ovary. A week later I was hospitalized again and another cyst had grown. Last Wednesday I had surgery to remove my cysts and while my OB/GYN was removing them I had a laparoscopy that revealed I have stage 4 endometriosis. My scar tissue was so bad it had connected to my colon and was probably what was causing so much pain. Stage 4 is the worst stage a woman can have and can have an effect on a woman being able to conceive a baby. My left fallopian tube is not able to function anymore due to the heavy amount of scar tissue that it had. When my OB/GYN told me it’s not impossible but I would have a hard time having a baby I was devastated. I cried to Russell and felt like I was taking something away from him. You see all I have ever wanted was to find the perfect husband and have a family with him. Finding my soulmate has happened because we are getting married October 24 and I can’t even wait! But I want to give him the perfect family.
It’s been a week since we found out what my diagnosis is. A week that I’ve had to think about how this is going to not only affect me but Russell, too. Right now I am committed to resting and healing my body. While I do have moments where I feel like I am failing as a woman because my “parts” aren’t working properly. I know that I am not given a situation I can not handle. I know in my heart and soul that I will bear a child(ren). I am so thankful to my family, friends, pageant and most importantly, Russell for the support during this time. I am resting and laser focused on getting my body ready for a baby. Please continue to think of us during this time as I know this journey isnt’ always going to easy