I have asked this question to myself quite often lately. When a woman is going through infertility she is going through someone incredibly indescribable. When we are read bed time stories when we are little they all begin and end the same way; one per is usually in need of help from the Prince. After getting help they fall madly in love, get married and live happily every after. But in the real world that’s not how life works. And I believe the commonality between relationships and friends are the same. However, I’ve learned pretty hard who is there for me and who is not. I have three girls at work (Yen, Sam and Lizzie) that I am very close with. Without their support I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. They keep me sane and are always there when I need their shoulder to cry (literally). Finding girlfriends when you’re an adult is super hard and I’m glad that was able to invade their tribe and become friends with them. It also helps that we love makeup, babies, and we genuinely care for each other. There aren’t many women out there like them and I’m so glad to apart of the tribe. Then there’s Erin. I could write so many amazing things about Erin. She’s always calling to check on me and see if I’m doing okay. She is also a diamond in the rough. I wouldn’t trade out friendship for the world. And after all who would I share my twin stories with?! Caitlyn, my soul sister. Do I even need to say anything. Your guidance, love, prayer and hope for us during this time fills me with such gratitude. Emma, you live in an entirely different state and still check on me every now and again. Our friendship is immeasurable and nothing will ever break us. You are my person. Finally, Daniella, Marisa and Mom. You guys keep me on my toes. Even though Daniella and Marisa, you are my sisters you are also my very best friends. Sometimes I want to punch you but the bond we have could never be broken. I love you so much. And my momma. I call you a million times a day and hate when I go longer than three days from talking to you. I mean I love you so much and was so worried about you that I had the police check on you and it turns out you were still sleeping **that was a big oops**. You all are awesome and I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Now I’m sure you’re all asking yourselves “is she crazy she does have friends”? The answer is this. I used to have a lot of friends that were invested in me. Just checking in to see how I’m doing or asking how I’m feeling. Infertility does a lot to a woman’s mind. Not only does it make you think things that aren’t true, you just start to believe things that aren’t real (thank goodness for therapy right??) I had to learn from being diagnosed that things would change. My feelings were so fragile those first few months and it’s becoming more and more hard to deal with because my friends have distant themselves too. I say too because I have done the same. I haven’t want to be with anyone. I’ve wanted to be alone; just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t want to socialize because I don’t want to be asked how treatment is going, which is so crazy because I’m an open book when it comes to my blog. But sometimes a girl just needs a break, ya know?
I just want to get to a point in my journey where people aren’t uncomfortable inviting me to baby showers (which I politely decline but still send a gift and am working on getting the strength to go), or first birthday parties, recitals. Not being invited makes me feel even more alone. It’s all about balance and once I master that I know I’ll be able to function much better.
Until Next Time
Please feel free to share your stories on how your friendships have changed through you finding out you have infertility.